Well, to catch everyone up....I am still on the *mend* but doing much better. The surgery had no complications though it was a little more “major” than anticipated. I am a tad skinnier now (yay!). Thankfully, I am really excited about getting past the recovery point. I can tell that I will be much healthier...and we am already planning a dive trip for the late fall/early winter. My hubby, I found out, is an incredible nurse which was kind of a surprise. I don't mean that to sound sarcastic, but since I've typically been very self sufficient and this was my first surgery...well, hey. He stayed by my side most of the 5 days/4 nights of the surgery as well as being a very attentive to me and making sure I was comfortable. My daughter was (is) an awesome helper and has been doing the bending while I am mending :-). And I don't know what I would have done without the presence and support of my mom (Abuelita) who has spent the last few weeks carting me around to appointments, washing dishes, entertaining D-Lo, doing my laundry and keeping me from going insane!
Then there is a really special group of families (some I just met) who brought our family delicious meals and really eased the hardships of recovery. Kathy, Laurie, Christy, Tara, Kathie, Rachel, Julie and Michelle (I hope I haven't left out anyone)....you and your families are so amazing and I can't tell you how much my family appreciates the wonderful meals, prayers and well wishes. It really had me thinking how meaningful acts of kindness can be. I was very touched and so spoiled!!! These are true Do Gooders! I may have to get them to help me put together a Comfort Food section for our Do Good cookbook.
We're getting back into the swing of things here....My daughter started 1st Grade a couple of weeks ago! We seem to start earlier than a lot of folks here in Atlanta! She loves her new teacher saying that he is the “goodest teacher ever”. OK, so I guess we will have to work a little harder on grammar! But we're happy...there is nothing like having a very supportive, close knit school! Other than that D-Lo is taking gymnastics again and that may be the extent for kid activities since I will be back to work soon. Well, that's it for now. Time to figure out how to help D-Lo clean her room out without over-exerting myself :-) Thanks to everyone for their well wishes, prayers and good vibes!
A few days ago, I found myself trying to encourage my daughter to complete an "art project". But then I thought...maybe I don't have much room to talk! I look around at the many projects that need my attention and I am overwhelmed with the feeling of futility. Guatadopt projects have suffered as well (ah...to have the perfect site with EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING working). There simply is not enough time to work, followup on DLo's homework, housework, family time and certainly not enough time for all the Guatadopt and Do Good projects. So TSK! TSK!, I thought this is a lifelong project....time management.
It wasn't always this bad....I remember a time when re-decorating a room for my daughter's homecoming was simply a matter of "next weekend". Now, projects are a "do it fast....or forget it!" That certainly has been the case for writing too. I don't seem to find time to sit and just write. If I can't get it done in less than 5 minutes....well, there is probably something more pressing to claim my time.
So, it was with a bit of amusement that when I made a comment about a project I needed to work on this weekend, she looked at me quite seriously and said "Why? Do you have to finish it right now?" OK, fair question. Well, there are some projects that you just have to get done quickly. Then there are projects that are MASSIVE, but you can spend just a few minutes to get a little done. Then there are projects that make you feel that you have accomplished a lot or those which make you feel better about everything else. Then there are projects that take priority over others....or wait! Do they? Hmmm....well, thats the problem: Prioritization.
Two times this week, I had first time parents talk about finishing project A or B AFTER their darlings arrive. Oh my! Well, children always seem to become the priority project so forget thinking that you will finish those fun little projects after they get home! Children bring new meaning to "time management". Besides making sure your children are loved, nurtured and kept safe....there is that ongoing battle to give yourself time to take care of yourself. Somewhere, this was lost to "higher" priorities! I'm not a "high maintenance" person...but I do find myself hiding my nails until I can trim them down to nothing (avoid polish because it chips and looks worse!). Hair cuts are few and far between (avoid those cuts that have to be trimmed too often...like 3 times a year). Massages, facials, manicures, pedicures and long "Me" baths.....yeah, right! (well, we did manage a few manicures and pedicures for the "girl's day out").
I finally got around to getting my hair cut (I decided I would make it a goal to do that more than once a year:-) So, with 5+ inches taken cropped off my mop....I had a revelation....short hair can save me some time! I also learned that little girls who want to grow their hair long (and stringy) sometimes get excited about shorter haircuts when they see their mom sporting one :-) She also had to give me a little advice which I thought was appropriate:
"Mom, I think you need to get your hair cut more often. You look sparkley" Ah ha! Thats it. There are some projects that take priority for the very sake that they renew your spirits and make you feel "sparkley".
Sparkley is good!
{Posted on behalf of Marie, Guatadopt.com}
I got to see what bliss actually looks like while on our pick up trip to Guatemala late last month. Why am I using the term “the face of bliss” you might ask, well let me share with you as to why. We all were scheduled, about 20 families in all, at the US Embassy at around the same time, a family was scheduled a little before us. You sit there in the waiting room with the other families. This was still fresh in my memory from having been there just last October 06. The feeling was the same…numbness. I guess all the tension from the months of anxiety and angst just numbs your body and it becomes a surreal feeling. Yes, you are sitting in the USE and you are at the final step of your adoption. I repeated this over and over, yet the numbness still prevailed. After the initial interview in the booth, one is sat back with the group and then called to the window for the final signature and stamping of the documents. There was couple adopting a little girl, who had this uncanny resemblance to her new Dad, which of course this new Daddy proudly gleaned as he was told this by all. Actually, there is alot of resemblances when you come to think about it in a lot of the adoptive families. The new Mommy was jovial and cheerful and they had two boys, also adopted. The boys were from Hawaii and they too looked alot like their new baby sister. The family went to Window 7. They were there about 5 minutes, but it probably felt like an eternity, then it was finalized. They turned around and faced me sitting there with our 5 year old all decked out in pink. I saw the look on their faces, and it was sheer bliss. I have experienced bliss before but never saw it actually at that moment of occurrence and but know what it was, I recognized it immediately. Yes, the face of bliss. Tears welled up in their eyes and I hugged them.
I told them and thanked them for sharing this with us. They probably don’t remember this exact moment, as when something so powerfully moving occurs, one isn’t aware of it as much as when one reflects on it later on. Returning to the hotel I shared with them what I saw. Again, tears swelled up in their eyes.
I was lucky enough to see the face of bliss again while poolside at the Marriott. A mom cradled her son, under the shade of the pergola as we sat sipping sodas. I asked her for her camera to take her picture. She was so happy about this offer, as she was traveling alone and had no one to capture these moments for her. I hope as she goes home to the West Village of NYC, and she looks at her photos, she can too see the face of bliss captured forever in a photo.
I will never forget these families and the moment of bliss that they and we all experience.
Marie, Guatadopt.com
This year we were limited in number of guests we could include in our annual egghunt, because of Abuelo's illness. Not so much the illness as the chemotherapy he has been taking. Remembering back, we think of the times we had dozens of adults and children, all noisily roaming through the vegetation, poking under the leaves and bushy plants with sticks, before reaching for the plastic eggs we use in place of potential stinky rotten boiled eggs that get lost for months until they smell! Some of the children would still be in their dressy new clothes that had already made it through church, but were dear to the hearts, so could not be shed for playclothes just yet. Others would have changed into jeans or something equally comfortable to move faster. This was the first Easter that Dani took off by herself--a four and a half year old needs no help! Sporadic laughter, and screams echoed, as several children (or adults) spotted the same egg and raced to get it.
Because of extra tasks required by Abuelo's inability to help much, and the added disadvantage that age brings, I had not made it to church. Consequently, I had felt a sort of void inside, having not had the ritual of celebrating our Lord's rising. Even so, we basked in the love and companionship of close family and friends, who were not put off by having to serve themselves. There is great comfort in having those you enjoy the most around you, even when you end up exhausted.
The Easter feeling didn't end with Easter, however. The next week, while Abuelo was confined to a recliner receiving his treatment, I met my daughter and grandaughter for lunch and an hour of rushed shopping. Dani was obviously delighted--she checked out toys that she had "always wanted", then we went on the the clothing area, where she pushed the shopping cart, stopping only to sling in any item that she thought "beautiful". When we came across a frilly party dress that struck her fancy, she ooohed and ahhhed as she determindly put it in the cart. Her mother, looking at some items she felt Dani really needed, turned and put it back on the rack, saying, "Easter is past, and we can't buy everything!" Dani replied, "But it's Be-u-ti-ful!" and as soon as Kelly turned her back, replaced it in the cart. Their struggle went on several times. When Kelly wanted to take her to a fitting room to try on other things, I suggested she let her try on the dress. If it didn't fit, or she didn't like it on, that would solve that!
However, it fit perfectly, and Dani, posing in front of the mirror, clasped her hands and cooed, "It's my dream come true!" Well, of course, being her grandmother, I bought the dress. But you must understand, it was marked down to almost half of the original price! And what a bargain! To have such a happy girl, with her dream come true!
I wish that all children were available to us to make their dreams come true. Easter was extended for us, by talking about that experience, and all the things that were said and done on Easter, and the week after. What a joy to have so many varied and interesting experiences to remember, even when you don't experience them first hand!
Today, my daughter had a bit of a meltdown when I left the school today. I guess I am not terribly surprised since she was home all last week. Yesterday went fine because she missed her friends at school...but today two of the kids were having a hard time dealing with mom or dad walking out that door. As I escaped to my car, tears had started down my own cheeks. Yes, she knew that I would be back for her. But those two tearful faces brought a flood of emotion for the children of Guatemala...who knows how long this process will take before they are reunited with their forever families.
MARIE'S STORY (Marie's family is in process of adopting Maritza):
We just returned from Guatemala and celebrated Maritza's 5th birthday together. We were told she couldn't sleep the night before waiting for us. She ran into my arms and said, mi mami, mi ma-ma, es mia, eres mia! (my mommy, my momma, you are all mine!). I broke down in tears. There we were on the cold marble floors of this
huge house, huddled together on the floor, crying. It was her first of everything...her first party dress, her first cake, her first birthday party. We will never forget her anticipation all day of waiting for the cake to arrive from the bakery. She couldn't eat lunch because she wanted her cake. We will never forget her face when finally I entered
into the dining room with a lighted birthday cake. It was wonderful. The young nannies also enjoyed it, blowing whistles and horns, singing and of course, eating cake. Gifts, and I mean alot of gifts, soon followed. She opened each one delicately, and with each one asked us, if this was hers. She loves pink, and is such a girl. She loves dresses, especially pink ones. She gathered all her gifts into her birthday bags and would not let them go. She walked around dragging all these bags, she looked like a cross between a NYC bag lady and someone who just went on a shopping spree at Macy's on 34th Street!!!!! She put on every bow we gave her and wouldn't take off her party dress. She slept in it.
Of course the next day more dresses were tried on and she still dragged all her bags around where ever she went. We painted, and played with dolls, we did our nails together, made bead bracelets, combed her hair, tried on bows, played ball, ran around and over and over again she would tell me I was her mama. I got her ready for bed and she chose the pink (of course) pajamas we got her, I tucked her into bed, read her a story and kissed her good-night. Oh, I had to do this three more times that same night, because she told me she really liked it!!! The last day together, while still carrying her bags she started saying she was coming home with us to live in our big house. How do you even begin to explain to a just-turned 5 year old what a visa is, how stupid governments are and why we couldn't bring her home. Her nannies and teacher helped me with this, but to no avail. We will continue to call her on Fridays when her teacher is there and on Sundays when the night nurse is there, she loves to talk on the cell phone. We explained to her we had to get her room ready, and have papers signed. She wants ten dolls, one bike and ...a car waiting for her. She started regressing, she wanted me to feed her dinner that night with a spoon, she sat on my laps and wanted to be carried instead of walking,. At bed time, she wanted me to sleep with her. We fell asleep together.
The next day, she came to me, dressed, like with 3 outfits on, and all her possessions in her birthday bags, ready to come home with us. I will never forget our long goodbye. To make it short, we left a crying 5 year old on the cold marble floors, the same one that we both huddled on when we first met. She was held by her beloved teacher and doctor. As we drove off the grounds, I could still hear her screams, don't leave me here mama, I want to go with you!!! Even now, I can still hear her and I always will. I will never forget those screams. We are back into PGN, if not today, then by Monday we were told. The socio-political situation in GT has deteriorated since the last time we were there in October. More violence, more crimes. You can actually feel the tension in the air, and know that at anytime this place is going to explode. I am left exhausted from this trip, so many more things happened, that I can't even share with you at this time. Keep us all in your prayers and thoughts that soon, a little girl whose only wish is to be home, will be.
~ Marie (mom to Maritza)
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(Kelly's comments)
What is sad is there is no easy answer. The children didn't make a decision to be where they are. They should not be invalidated because of their circumstances. The extreme poverty is not going to disappear whether or not adoptions eventually stop. Women are not going to come out of the woodwork to care for the thousands of children without homes in Guatemala. Children will still be born to impovershed families, they will still need families, they will still be discriminated against because of their lack of place in the elitist world. They will still have feelings, feel rejection and not understand that there is a family who would love them and cherish them in another country. If I had a wish...it would be that NO child would have to suffer the emotional traumas that often lead to adoption much less a biological mother. Adoption isn't a cure for the social ills...but it is a cure for a child who has already been denied the security and love of a family.
Please come home....