We made some assumptions about my daughter's birth name that we found out later was probably not correct. We changed her name and then incorporated her birth mother's middle name. Later, we decided to let her legally incorporate whatever birthnames when she turns 16.

But what we think is more important in deciding on the name is the story behind it. Like you, our daughter has a story about how her name came about...some heritage, some "oops" and some of our family significance. I think when children have an "interesting story" for their name, it supports their sense of self (I certainly felt this about my own name).

Interestingly enough, I have an adoptee friend who retained his birthname and felt "alienated" because his adoptive family did not give him a new name. So, I don't think there is a blanket solution to naming. I think its more important that it was "well thought out" and again, maybe its the story about how it came about that is important.

At least I HOPE ;-)

It was a real struggle to decide a name for our awaiting child. I think it was harded than naming or bio.child. We finally decided to use his name as a middle name and his first name is after my dad. The funny part is his initals are AOL. You have to laugh and blame my husband. His since of humor.

Hi Meredith,

Thank you so much for posting your story. Our son is 6 years old and the joy of our lives. It is comforting reading your story.
Congratulations mom, I hope it goes fast from here!

Meredith, I just found your blog and I have to say it came at the most perfect time! I just sat down and read all of your entries. My husband and I are waiting to get our referral call any day now and I'm freaking out a bit. I LOVED reading about your dual identity. I too felt the same way as I am half Mexican and half white (BTW, hardly anyone says "white" anymore, it's always caucasion or something else PC, I instantly felt connected to you since you said white). I felt as if I never fit in with either side of the family. And now I'm struggling with how DH and I will raise our child. Anyway, THANK YOU for being so honest and just putting everything out there. You are a God send to me tonight. Thanks!

Meredith,

Your perspective has been a true breath of fresh air for me. My wife and I have two little Guates under the age of 2 and have had anxious feelings about the future. However, after reading your blog we've realized that if you just simply love your child with all your soul... are always honest with them... and are open to experiencing "the journey" of life together - everything will be what it will be which will be THE BEST!

Thanks for sharing...
David, Julie, Lily and Miles

We kept our daughter's middle name as one of her middle names, as we liked it and it is the name her Foster Mom used until she found out the name we chose. We had our daughter's name for a long time, and it means "wished for child", so we thought it very fitting. We hope she likes her names, and is happy with our decision. We really wanted to names to represent all of her journey to who she is. Thanks so much for sharing your personal take on things.

Your comment was of value coming from someone who was adopted. It seems like you have a well balanced perspective: there is, or it may be impossible for adoptive parents to know, what will be the "right way" to handle this. It's personal and a matter of choice. But adoptive parents should examine their reasons for inclusion/exclusion of names to some extent. In our case, our son was named by his mother, but we had no idea why his first and middle names were given. We'd planned to change his first name, retain his middle name, and retain his mother's maiden name as a second middle name. We did not decide on a new first name before picking him up, though we had several to "try on", planning to decide after returning home and getting to know him. However, on our "pickup trip" we were fortunate to meet his mother and learned at that time that the first and middle names she'd given him we those of a beloved uncle. By the time we arrived home our decision was made: We picked a new first name we liked but retained his original first and middle names. So he has anglo first and last names and latino middle names. Quite a handle, many names he can choose to associate with and/or be known by. We are very happy with our decision. It's a personal decision, there is no "right way" to do it, but considering reason's for a name or names is worthwhile.

When we were matched with our daughter and given her name, we were concerned with whether to keep her 1st and middle names. I felt strongly that if her birthmother had named her I wanted to keep the name(s). Our adoption agency told us the babies were usually named by the attorneys--but I wonder about that now.
Her names were very American sounding names, and we also felt it was important for her to have more of a Hispanic name.
In the end we gave her an Hispanic 1st name and used her birthname as her middle name.
When we went to Guatemala we found out her foster family called her "Meli", short for her original middle name. As if choosing a name wasn't difficult already!!
It was hard--I sometimes wonder, will she be ok with the names we've given her or feel bad we didn't keep her name as it was?

We waited until we heard what her birth mother gave her before deciding. Unfortunately, even tho we liked her first name, it was one that would have been pronounced entirely different here in the USA and her middle name was connected to a celebrity that we wanted no part of either. (I won't name it here as it has beconme very popular and I don't want to offend anyone). So we used the name that we both had really been set on from the beginning (also meant 'wished for child'). Then we went back and forth about a middle name. It is common in both our families to honor the Mother by using her name for a middle name ... but we are a two Mom family! Then any other family name was either too ethnic German/Danish or just didn't flow. Finally the light bulb went on .. we used her birth mother's name as her middle name. We know it was the right choice for us when we had the 'growing in the tummy talk' and we told her the name of her birth mother ... her eyes got big and bright and she said 'that's my name too!'. We got our choice, honored her birth mother and it flows very nicely with her hyphinated last name.

I read this post with interest since my husband and I had had such a hard time deciding on a name. Originally we plan to name her without using any part of her birth name and her middle name would have been the same as her grandparents(they have the same name), but when we heard her birth name we fell in love with it. So our decision was that we would use the first name we had chosen and use her birth name as her middle name. When we arrived in Guatemala we decided that her birth name fit her so well and even though she was only 7 months old, she responded to her name. In the end we kept her birth name and used the name we chose as her middle name. I think everyone has to make their own decision as to what is right for them...we knew when we saw her what the right choice for us was.

I have the same thing that Mary posted above. Our daughter not only had an American sounding name, it was a completely American name, Kimberly, and not one that I would have chose. Being italian, we though an ethnic name would be wonderful, and we were surprised when she didnt have one. We renamed her, with a much more ethnic name than Kimberly. It fits her so much better! We did keep her middle name though, Vanesa.

Wendy,

That is a really beautiful story about the "growing in the tummy" talk and how your daughter responded to it

Well, we have our referral now! We were expecting a boy, had a name picked out and were going to use his birth name as middle name. God had other plans though, we got a girl!!! And she came (almost) perfectly named. The only change we made was replaced her first birth name with her birth mom's name and kept her birth middle name intact. So to everyone who told us to come up with girl names, we didn't have to!

Mary, Yes it was a touching moment. After seeing a show about babies my daughter announced that she was not born in a hospital (she thought she was 'born in Guatemala'). So we knew it was time to further explain that when she grew in a woman's tummy and it was time for her to be born the woman went to the hospital. First she guessed that the woman was her foster mother. So we told her what her birthmother's name was and that's when she made the connection. We told her she was a very special woman and we wanted to always remember her.

As with everyone, this was a tough one when naming my daughter also. Her birthname was Edith Yaquelin. Hm, should I name her Jaquelin? No, then she'd be called Jackie. A friend (soon to be godmother of my daughter) found that Edita was Spanish for Edith. So, Edita would be her middle name. Now the first...She became Kaylynn Edita. Kay, which is my only sister's middle name and Lynn my friend's middle name. Kaylynn is very happy at age 7 with her name and where it came from. Every once in a while though she wants to be called Edith :-) That only lasts minutes.

Kevin and I had a really hard time with my daughter's name, too. Or, rather, I did. Her given name was the same as her birthmother's, and he felt it would be disrepectful to change it, and that we should honor the woman who "gave" her to us. I, of course, saw the green head of jealousy rearing immediately. Her birthmother gave her life, I wanted to give her MY life. So, we compromised, and kept her birthmother's first name :)

Still, I had my way with it: I gave her her nickname (Isa), which made the name feel like my choosing, as well as saddling her with the two names I'd picked out for her, in addition to her birthname. Kevin thought I was being ridiculous, but I was stubborn, and he humored me. After reading your blog, I'm glad I stuck with my guns, even though I caved on the first name, since her "middle name" is Katherine Louise, named after my grandmother and my aunt, who were incredibly special women. She will have continuity and connection to me and my life because, even though she never got to meet them, she has something of them, and knows they were special to me, as she is special to me, now. As a matter of fact, my grandmother used to sing the WWI song "K-k-k--katie, Beautiful Katie" to me as I sat on her lap, and now I sing it to my daughter as, "K-k-k-katie, Isabel Katie" and she loves it. She tells anyone new that her name is "Isabel Katie".

When people hear me call her "Isa" (pronounced EEsah), and ask if her name is I-zuh-bell or EE-sah-bel, I often joke, "Her name is EE-sah-bel, but I'm culturally challenged and can't wrap that around my toungue when I'm good and angry, so she pretty much answers to I-zuh-bell." It's a joke, but I do often feel as if I should be doing a better job of teaching her "who she is." That ugly head raises up and says, "But I want to teach her MY culture, and MY ways, and share things with her that made ME happy when I was a girl." I really am culturally challenged. But, it's a case of wanting her to have the same happy times and to be able to share my own childhood loves with her. How am I to teach her a love of tortillas and worry dolls, when I never experienced it? And, sharing the memories that made me happy makes them so much more special to me, not only that she loves learning about it, but that I remember and can share in her excitement.

I'm happy to know that it's not necessarily a mistake, or something to feel guilty about, that my first priority is to treat her as MY child, and to let her find her own identity, as she becomes interested in it! We'll leave the tortillas to Daddy, who is the cook in the family, anyway :)

For son #1, we kept his Guatemalan middle name as one of his two middle names, and added a first name we chose, and a grandfather's name. This choice was both aesthetic (his original first name would have been very hard to pronounce together with our last name) and personal (we wanted a name that was meaningful to us, and to be able to tell him why his name was chosen)

For son #2, his birthmother requested that we name him. So we gave him a name we liked, his other grandfather's name, and his Guatemalan birth grandfather's name. So far, at ages 7 and 6, they seem happy with the choices we made. If Son #1 decided to legally change his name back to Luis as an adult, I wouldn't be offended.