YES!!! It's so refreshing to see this said "out loud" somewhere. :) I cringe when people talk about their "adopted kids" and "bio kids" and then ask me about mine. Good grief - leave us alone already - we are just F-A-M-I-L-Y living day to day life and it's sad how some people feel the need to constantly remind our children that they weren't born from my womb. Anyway, my two cents...

Your post makes so much sense. This issue came up when a famous,elderly person (I think it was George Burns, but I'm not sure) passed away. The media said the survivors included "his adopted son". People commented that this son was in his 60s and wasn't it time that he was just considered a "son"?!!

Some people have a lot of time on their hands and chose to spend this time over un important issues.
I am hungry. I am tortured. I am threatened. I am killed . I am religious. I have found God. I follow the devil. I am a human being so I am all of the above and mirriads of other attributes to me and my fellow man. So What if "I am adopted" does not fall in the proper image that I would like to have?????.
Grow up.

Couldn't agree more!
Glad you are back.
Glad everyone is well.
Will we every get to see pics of your little girl?

Meredith,

I like this a lot. Makes perfect sense in my mind. "Our daughter is our daughter is our daughter!" WE have a lot of "adjectives" for her, but adopted is not one of them.

twebb
guatadopt

Thanks for this. It really hits home with me and I look forward to sharing this perspective iwth others. We brought our daughter home in December and are enjoying every minuite of it!

I appreciate your comments. We returned home with our son in March. Have not had many comments yet, but it's still early. I like to think of adoption as the process that made our family complete and plan to say if asked if our son is adopted "we are an adoptive family" taking away the focus from our son and letting him hear that this is how our family came together.

George - Not sure why you are so bitter, but as I stated before, this is my OPINION, so if it upsets you, I invite you to please not read it. You are welcome to your opinions as well, but there is no need to be nasty.

Betsy - As soon as I have a moment to pick out one of the millon pictures of my little cutie, I will figure out how to post. Thanks for asking!

-Meredith

Meredith,
I've been waiting for you to post again. I always enjoy reading what you have to say. I, too, look forward to sharing this prospective with others. Can't wait to see your precious little girl.

Meredith - I believe that you are correct in pointing out that we are all people, deserving of respect and sensitivity and that adoption is only a process. As a parent of teenage daughters and soon to be mom to a 4 year old son from Guatemala, I really think that these are issues to be considered. It has nothing to do with being "grown up". It is being sensitive as to how our words can affect our children. That is something I worried about 15 years ago when I raised my daughters. As parents, it is our place to worry about such things! I am reading "Inside Transracial Adoption", by Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall. It is an excellent resource on families that don't "match". Maybe George could benefit and gain some insight from reading it!!

I couldn't agree with you more! This has been discussed on this websites Forum many times. I have a friend who says it best. "I WAS adopted was the way I entered into my family, I do not define myself as adopted, I define myself as a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a human being." Saying always how I am adopted, would be similar to a person saying I was born, all the time to define themselves. One doesn't use the term, born children, so why use the term adoptive children. They are our children. Marie, Guatadopt

My opinion is a little different...

Yes, adoption is a verb, and I do not say 'I am adopted" -- but I do say, I am an adoptee. Being an adoptee is as integral to my sense of self as is being female. Unlike being female, however, being an adoptee required significant emotional and cognitive effort during various times in my life. It definitely was/is a major part of my self definition. Nonetheless, my parents are my parents are my parents ;)

(adoptee in reunion for 20+ years, and mama to a 3.5-yr-old from Guatemala)

Meredith, I never would have thought about it that way, but it does make sense. However, I can see Elizabeth's point too. I want to be sensitive to our daughter in the terms we use, and not make her feel different. In fact, we don't think of her being "adopted" , rather "our daughter" and since we don't consciously think about it, I don't think we use the term "is adopted".
However, I think being overly sensitive or insisting people use a certain term could bring more attention to the situation than maybe you wanted to. (just a thought--I'm not an adoptee).
I think whatever term(s) are comfortable to each person who has been adopted and his/her family are the most important thing to consider.

Hi,
Happened across this site as we are waiting for our pink slip (requested today) to finally go get our "new son" Edwin from Guatemala, who is now 16. We already have 4 teenage, and older, sons, each with various disabilities.

The diabaility community has also been under the same curse of adjective bigotry for too long. i.e. Down Syndrome son versus son with Down Syndrome, Blind Boy versus boy who is blind. It is very refreshing to see souls put on the whole, equal and high place they belong (Gen 1:26-27). I am very thankful to Daniel Piatine, a 17 year old crusader for people with diasabilities, who lived in an iron lung by night, and pain by day, yet cared enough to travel around proclaiming this message, which I evetually heard. Since removing adjective restraints from personhood, I have been able to love all types of people more completely. True diversity training should emphasize this.

One final thought, though, is that adoptive love is a very special and powerful love because of its elective nature. I would not distance myself, my identity as the recipent of such love, by distancing myself from the mechanics or process of the adoption proceedings.

I finally understand why all are upset about people commenting on our children being adopted. When I adopted my first child from Guatemala, I was always happy to tell people that she was adopted - I got her when she was a year old. I viewed all the adoption commentary as a way in which good people were just trying to make a well intentioned connection with us. With my second daughter who is 9 years old, old enough to understand all the commentary, and who incidentally looks nothing remotely like me, I can tell you that being reminded constantly that she is adopted just totally hurts her feelings because no one makes those comments about my other children who "could be" my bio children. So, I guess the only safe mode is to say nothing to anyone about children being adopted because it hurts the children. I am trying to educate my daughter that other people are simply interested and curious and that's not a terrible thing. In a way, she is special because people notice that she is different, and all comment on how lucky we both are.
Gretchen

Just wanted to stop by and say "hi". I hope you and your family are doing well. Miss reading your blog but KNOW life can be very busy.

I found this to be very thought provoking. I had never really thought of this. You are so right. We shouldn't define people or label people as being 'adopted', but really view that as a singular point in their history. Adopted is not a descriptive word for a person, but as you said is a word that describes a legal process that has a beginning and an end. Thank you for writing this.