Meredith-
Welcome back! Thanks for sharing your point of view- it is refreshing to know that not all adoptees feel the way that we are reading so much about.

Thanks for sticking you head out of the blanket and writing that! Well written. My husband was adopted from El Salvador and was blessed by adoption. We wanted so much to pass on the love that was shared with him so we started to adopt a little boy from Guatemala. We are in the process for almost 2 years now and Oh how our hearts ache to have him home! We also have bio children but this child is ever so special and dear as well.
Thanks.

Welcome back, Meredith! I completely understand about your silence, plus this new motherhood stuff is really hard (but wonderful) work!

Thank you for voicing your opinion - I know that there are people like you out there, and I'm grateful. It can be overwhelming and so sad to read of unhappy adoptee's views of adoptive parents, and it's nice to know there are probably equal numbers of happy adoptees out there. It gives me hope that my children (boy and girl adopted from Guatemala, now age 2) will grow into well-adjusted, happy people like you.

As for what to write about - I remember you wrote about how you didn't have much experience with Guatemalan culture growing up, but you connected with that part of your heritage in college... so maybe you would share with us what your plans are for your child in that regard?

I am trying to expose our kids to Guatemalan food, culture, people in the neighborhood who are Guatemalan or Central American, and also to latino culture in a more general sense. I'm hoping I can do enough to make them grow up proud of both their Guate. and U.S. heritages.

By the way, if you would like the URL for my children's website, please email me, I'm scared to include it here!

Take care!

I am also adopted, have had a wonderful life, and am proud to be an adoptive parent. Keep up that optimism, Meredith!

Kathryn

Hi Meredith - I would like to know what thoughts you have about things you will do in your daughter's early years to prepare her to deal with the identity issues that will surface as she grows older (particularly during the teenage years). Also, any thoughts you have about what you will tell your daughter about being adopted during this turbulent time (being mindful that our children might one day question the validity and/or ethics of their adoptions - or at
least have others ask those questions of them).

Thanks and welcome back! I hope your family is well. :)

Just wanted to say welcome back! It was nice to see a post from you again and it is completely understandable why you haven't. I don't have anything to add other than what others have suggested you could write about. maybe something will come to me as I read more.

Will be keeping an eye out for ya'!!

Deb :)

Meredith,
My face lit up when I saw your post. It's so nice to read positive, non-political stories. My husband was adopted domestically, so it was in our genes to adopt :)

meridith,

Your views are so needed!!!!!

I too have been "fired up" by the negative media blitz lately .... I am so tired of hearing all the negative.... it is a breath of fresh air to hear an adoptee that actually is happy and at peace with their life!

Please, please continue sharing with us.... you give us hope that yes adoption is still a miracle even if the voices around us shout differently!

Blessings,
gloria

ps. how is your baby doing?

I was adopted at birth and I feel blessed to have such wonderful parents. I was a domestic adoption but I feel the children from Guatemala are so lucky to have such wonderful families who adopt them and love them.

Gina

Welcome back! And thank you for sharing your perspective. I, too, have found that so much of what you find written by adoptees on these internet forums is negative, about 75% I think I've seen. I found this SHOCKING since I have so many family members and friends who were adopted and are all very positive about that. But you know what I figured out? Most of them, the ones who are perfectly content about their experiences, aren't out there pouring over all the adoption info everyday and advocating a position. They're not looking for forums to discuss their feelings as an adoptee because, frankly, they don't feel that they need to. They're not trying to work through issues or be an advocate one way or another. They're just living life like the rest of us. I've come to believe they are the silent majority.

So great to hear from you.
I have wondered many times what your opinion was re: the Ortega law, the treat of closing Guat adoptions, and basically, how things were going with you, and your family.

I can't thank you enough for writing this. A million million thanks, gratitude beyond measure, and prayers for you and your family.
Our adoption decree is finalized - we're waiting for her new birth certificate. I have been looking up information on the experiences of firstmothers and adoptees and got trapped in the maelstrom of angry adoptee/firstmother blogs and articles and have been having a series of moderate panic attacks.
Please tell me again that not all adoptees suffer from permenant, crippling emotional and psychic scars. Of course there will be rough stretches of road, but with understanding and acceptance and knowledge and love (of course, lots of love!) we can get through it together as a family.
- I would love some emails from anyone on this topic, please.

Meredith, I love your posts so please keep writing. I have an article that shows statistics are on our side as far as adoption vs leaving the child in a single parent home is concerned. Children need to be in two parent homes, not single-mom homes with revolving boyfriends. I am NOT talking about healthy singles adopting here. You can read this article at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071117/ap_on_re_us/child_abuse. The world has turned a deaf ear to the little ones that need families, and we should never feel guilty that we reached out in love to provide a home. People need to speak out more against the live-in boyfriend arrangements where usually only the man profits and children are at a much higher risk of all kinds of abuse. Thank God for the wise birth moms that make adoption plans for their precious children FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD. These are the unsung heros, the ones that sustained an entire pregnancy, went through the difficulty of labor (often without any medication at all), and then placed their babies in the arms of others that they completely trusted.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences regarding adoption and that it's not as horrible as some anti-adoption advocates paint it to be. Same to the other commentors who mentioned that they were adopted and are quite happy. I really need to hear those voices every once in a while. Again, thank you.

I, too, am adopted. I have two bio kids and one adopted daughter. I don't think many people are against adoption. What's the alternative? Leave kids in orphanages? On the street? C'mon, adoption is the most selfless decision anyone can make.

Meredith,

YOu said that a lot of adoptees say that adoption is terrible. Could it be that these outspoken adoptees do represent all of the adoptees? I was told by a woman who runs an adoption agency and who also has a PhD from STanford in psychology specializing in international adoptions that many adoptees are very greatful for having been adopted. However, mahy of the greateful ones may not feel the need to speak up.

Hi Meredith!

Thanks so much for posting. I am not an adoptee myself, but am an adoptive parent to a daughter from China. I too have read many of the "angry adoptee" blogs and a one point was truly worried that my daughter was doomed to a life of sadness and anger. But, after reflection and reading posts like yours from adoptees that see adoption as a positive part of their life, I realize that the "angry adoptees" are just a tiny but VERY vocal segment of the international adoption community. Again, Thanks for your post.

I apologize for the length in adavance: I am new to this blog as I recently sparked an interest to look into networks for Guatemalan adoptees. I was shock when the first forum I was directed to was this one where it appears that many of you feel that "most" adoptees have a negative attitude for whatever reasons they may be. I guess I too stay out of the political and controversial issues in the public eye.

I was adopted at 6 months from a Guatemalan orphange 26 years ago. I assure some of you new mothers of adopted children; I love my life and the opportunities that I have been given that would have been unthought of growing up either with a single mother (w/ 2 children in my case) or an orphange in a 3rd world country. My family is amazing and they chose to adopt, not just me, but also my brother (domestic adoption).

As far as the other side: I believe it's just a common standpoint that those that are feeling hurt or angry towards adoption use these forums as channels to voice their emotion. I don't think it's any different than those biological children that unfortunately don't have a loving, caring ,and understanding environment which to grow up in. I understand to the view point that these people may take: abandoned, unloved, etc... but I also believe that to some degree those feelings are directed by what we are told regarding our adoption and the birth mother's choice of adoption. It's not giving up the child, it's giving them a chance to have a better life. Loving them enough to give them that chance. I least that's in other words, what I was taught and how I learned to view adoption.

I hate to compare adoption with anything, but reading this blog reminded me of my last year trip to South Carolina and the need to find a reasonable priced hotel room in the area. Where did I go for assistance, the reviews of course. Here I found all these negative reviews that made me think I needed to spend the $200-300 for a decent hotel. But what I realized instead was like everything else it's normal for society to stand up and voice their opinion against something they dont' like. On the other side those that are happy and enjoying life don't necessarily feel the urge to voice the good. Let's face it you don't typically see protests advocating a topic, do you?

And for those of you that wonder about culture, hertiage, names, etc... I'll leave you with my two cents for what it's worth if anything.

I think you need to take cues from your child and they'll let you know how much they want to engage in the culture or how little. If they're curious and ask the questions.. by all means be honest and truthful. If you chose to bring the subject up when their old enough and they're content just knowing their adopted, I believe that's alright too. For me personal, as far back as I can remember I knew I was adopted. I don't remember my mother actually sitting me down and having a conversation, but I do remember my country's flag and my adoption certificate displayed on my childhood room wall. I wasn't all that interested in the culture. - food, traditions, dress, etc. It's not that I'm not proud of where I came from or my history/my story. Or that I'm ashamed. In fact the only thing that I wish I could sometimes change is my birth name incorporated into my name(that's just b/c I really like my birth name, Fabiola/Faviola). It's that I know the truth and I am content with my life and my family and who I am.

I'm so glad to find a positive site about adoption. I am a 44 year old adopted child and the mother of two fabulous children who also happen to be adopted. I'm considering writing a book on my experiences as an adoptee and adoptive parent.

I was basically a very o.k. kid. Life was good. I loved my parents and experienced the same ups and downs of puberty that most people did. I knew I was adopted and most people in our small town knew also. I also knew it was not a big deal. There were a few kids in school over the years who said unkind things to me or tried to "jab". However, my father taught me early on that unhappy people need others to be unhappy. My simple response to them was, "it is clear that you may have a few issues. If you didn't, there would be no need for you to take the time and energy to interact negatively with me or anyone else for that matter". My response was generally the same, whether the comment was about the fact that I walked on my tip toes, my pants were flooding or the fact that I was adopted.

Honestly, we can all find reasons to be unhappy if we look hard enough. We can all come to the conclusion that maybe something is missing in our lives. This has nothing to do with being adopted and everything to do with how we choose to live our lives. And probably a bit to do with the tools that we are given to navigate through life in general. Because at the end of the day, as parents it is our responsibility to do our best to prepare our children to withstand the ups and downs that life may throw at them whether they are adopted or biological.

I choose to live my life everyday loving my family and doing the best that I can. I have no interest in feeling victimized by my adoption or anything else for that matter. My parents were blessed to have me and I was blessed to have them.
I am now blessed to have my children.

hi im glad that you have came out great from being adopted my husband is 29 and he was adopted from an orphanage in guatemala like 26 or 27 years ago also and i want to try and fill that void for him by trying to find his real parents and i know its a shot in the dark and i know that its pretty much impossible but can somebody plzz help me out. if anyone knows anything about how to find parents of adoptees send an e-mail to me at bradleyamanda22@yahoo.com it would be greatly appreciated

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for writing this. I am an adoptee and a (soon to be!) adoptive mother. I really appreciate reading these things, because I have long felt alienated from my peers (fellow adoptees). The irony is not lost on me.

I'm happy, and had a great childhood during which I felt extremely loved and supported. My parents were wonderful with regard to my adoption, as well. It brings me comfort to know that I am not the only one.

You can choose to be happy, or choose not to be. As someone already mentioned, you can always find something to be angry/unhappy about if you look hard enough.

Thanks again!