So this week I did one of those lab research studies, the ones where they don't tell you what products they will use on you but you agree to be a guinea pig and they pay you for your time. This particular lab deals in cosmetics and skin care. I head in and right away the person checking me in says, "Wow, this will be so great, you're so nice and dark that this will be very easy!", whatever that means. But she says it with a smile and I know that she genuinely means the "great" part. So I go into the first room and the person who does that test says, "What beautiful skin you have, you probably never burn and always tan in the sun, right?" (Yes, this was actually part of the process, they needed to fill out an evaluation regarding my skin tone.) Of course I reply yes. So she goes on to fill out the evaluation and ends by saying, "This is so exciting, you are the highest score we've had all day!" And even though I realize that a high score in this case probably doesn't necessarily mean superiority as a human being perse, I still feel a little spring in my step as I exit this room and move on to the next. In the hallway that I travel down to get to the next room, there are four women standing there, two are other "subjects" and two are other employees of the lab. I am met by various comments happening simultaneously that sound like, "What a beautiful color she is", and "Oh my gosh I know that's her natural skin tone but it looks so good on her". I'm now starting to get a little embarassed, but can't help but feel special with all this attention. I go into the next room to be photographed, and the employee taking the pictures is hearing all of the comments outside the room as well. She says, "You probably get that all the time". I smile, but what I'm really thinking is, "Um, not really, so if you want to continue it it's fine with me". The next station is one where they apply different types of foundation and see which one matches my skin tone the best. "What a nice change this is to be able to use different colors instead of the same old shade time after time like I've been doing all day", this employee says. When she discovers which ones match, she writes them down with a flourish, and ushers me to the next room, saying to the person in charge of that station, "This is so great, I got to use a whole different set of colors and my entry on her was the first of it's kind today." The last station involves more of the same types of compliments, I'll spare you the continued detail.
So what is the point of this entry, you ask? Well, I got to thinking on my way home that many times we are so worried about the fact that our kids look different from us, or in my case, that I look so different from my parents. We worry about the discrimination that the children will face. We get self-conscious about strangers staring at us and wonder what they are thinking. We may snap at those who ask us where our children are from or get defensive when people compliment them on their coloring. But sometimes, as it turns out, there may be people who genuinely admire us for our color. They appreciate the differences that we bring to what can be a monochromatic crowd of folks in some cities/areas of the country. While it's true, as mentioned above, that I do not get this kind of attention on a daily basis, I can think back if I make the effort to many a person who has admired or even envied my skin shade. Cool! I'm brown and proud, yeah, that's it!
So let your kids be proud of themselves in every way, including appearance. While we are being so careful trying to get our kids to "fit in", and not "stand out" in a bad way, we may sometimes forget that there can be pride in who they are and what they look like as well. That way when they are adults and get complimented like this, they will have the self-confidence to smile, say thank-you, and walk out of that lab with a bounce in their steps that may last them the rest of the day.
Posted by meredith at November 29, 2007 02:37 PM | TrackBackMeredith,
How beautiful! I could just see your brown eyes twinkle as I read your account. I hope my two children see themselves as different *and* beautiful/handsome!
Meredith,
Good job! The children we adopt, in our eyes, are the most beautiful in the world. And they should be instilled a confidence that exudes that sentiment.
I was always embarassed by my olive skin tone - being Hispanic in a largely Polish neighbohood growing up. It took many years to realize brown IS beautiful and I plan on instilling that in my beautiful baby boy. Kudos to you, Meredith!
Love your entries!!
Deb
Meredith,
Boy does your post make me smile! Thanks so much for sharing. I sure hope my son sees himself as beautiful inside and out as I know we as his family and other people see him as they have told me and him on so many occations.
Posted by: Laurie at November 30, 2007 04:50 PMMeredith,
Thanks so much for sharing your story! People do recognize differences positively. I get told all the time how beautiful my Chinese daughter is. I hope she always gets the warm, positive reception she gets now.
Great post! I think, now that I have Guatemalan children, that I prefer the color of their skin, and wish that I looked more like them!
And when my daughter wears black pants or shirt, the way it sets off her hair color is just striking, and then I'm envious of her (and her brother's) hair colors.
So I will look forward to helping them feel pride in their cultural heritage, along with their beauty, both inner and outer!
Posted by: Erica at November 30, 2007 08:50 PMTHANK YOU for a lovely post...!
Posted by: SKS at November 30, 2007 09:37 PMMeredith, Welcome back honey! We missed you, your stories are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy path. I loved this story, I will be sure my girls know how lucky they are to have such beautiful skin. My Mom is polish/german with lighter hair and blue eyes and my Father was 100% Italian, as is, my husband, I've always thought I was darn lucky to end up with Dad's olive skin, even though my Mom was hoping for one blue-eyed child out of six! It was an important story you told, thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Melissa at November 30, 2007 10:48 PMGreat post meridith! I always , always tell my kids how beautiful they are and what lovely skin they have... frankly I am jealous. :)
Gloria
Meridith,
This is one of the many times I too am proud to be brown. I am a mixture of races, but prevalent in my background is hispanic. I am in process of adopting a baby boy from Guatemala and part of that driving force is that we (my husband and I ) wanted a child that resembeled me. We adopted a child we fostered here, and he is anglo (white) and my husband is also anglo, so we wanted a child with my skin color this time around. We also wanted to be able to share some of my "hispanic" heritage with our children. I am also Native American and Irish, and we broaden our son's life with education of all of my background. My husband is German, Swiss, and Polish, so we celebrate all that he has as well. We think that it is important to be okay with all skin colors. Our best friends are black, white and oriental, so we are comfortable with all colors of skin. We will teach our new baby to be proud to be brown, and never forget where he comes from. Thanks for the ray of sunshine today.
Theresa
I love this post and I think it's a really great reminder. Sometimes I wonder where the line is between being protective and being overly defensive. It is good for everyone to expect that compliments are genuine. Although I'm a little late in learning this lesson, it's nice to finally not be so suspicious of everyone all the time!
Posted by: Rachel at December 3, 2007 06:31 PMI love my little girl's skin tone. And, she tells me all the time, "Mommy, I beautiful" (she's 2 y.o.) and oh course I wholeheartedly agree. I hope she will feel as good about herself as you do when she is older.
Thanks for this post. As always, I love reading your blog and reading your perspective on things.
Brown is beautiful. You don't have to damage your skin all the time for a nice color. You can wear pretty colors without looking like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. Brown is the color of chocolate. Brown eyes are like two cups of sweet comfy warm cocoa looking back at you. I agree with Gloria.. I'd trade anyday.
Thank you for the wonderful posts and insight Meredith.
Posted by: lisa at December 15, 2007 01:59 AMI am so happy after reading your post. We have a son from Guatemala and I was so disappointed as we went through the process as the Social Worker spent so much time trying to tell us why we had to "normalize" our son because he would look so different. Meanwhile, we adopted internationally BECAUSE of the differences and our 2 non adopted daughters relish his differences. Thank you for sharing -
Posted by: Meredith at December 16, 2007 12:58 PMMy 5 year old boy tells me that he is Brown because he likes Root Beer and anything "spicy". He also says without any hesitation that God is brown as well because he must like "spicy" stuff because he made it. I love it. When I asked why I wasn't brown and I liked root beer he just laughed and said I didn't drink enough as a kid.
I just love my son! He is very secure in his skin color.
Posted by: Susan at December 29, 2007 02:14 PM