Yesterday, many forums and listservs were angrily a buzz about a category called "Non Mom" for America's Favorite Mom contest sponsored by Teleflora and NBC's Today Show. Yup, you guessed it....Moms who had adopted were classified as "Non Moms". The site was bombarded with emails and letters and last night, they changed the category to "Adopting Moms" with an apology (Here is an archived version of the change with the apology in the middle).
So what could prompt the organizers to even consider such an insulting label and why didn't somebody notice how tacky it was BEFORE it was used? Well, the the organizers suggested that the title somehow evolved from "Non Traditional Mom". Was that title too long? Were they trying to disuade voters from this category? Doubtful. And where were the Teleflora Adoptive Moms who said "Whoa, that sounds horrible!"? Did Marie Osmond (with 5 children through adoption) cringe and if so, how did it make it up there, anyway? For the life of me, I can't see how such an offensive title could accidentally make it on the site.
President Colom -
We, the Guatadopt community, will pledge our support to assisting Guatemala in its quest to break the cycle of poverty, promote education and help socially responsible programs that we hope will reduce the NEED for adoption. We are committed to the children of Guatemala. We hope that Guatemala will find a way to promote the family option to ANY child who is in need of a family and a home. Ask for our help and we will be here. We pledge our time and efforts to assist Guatemala in becoming a model for child services.
Sincerely, Guatadopt Staff and the Guatadopt community
**If you would like to join this pledge, please add your name in the comments. You may also expound on the type of pledge you would like to make whether it is financial, prayer, volunteering, etc...**
2007 has drawn to a close, and with it Guatemala’s system of notarial adoptions. Tens of thousands of children have found permanent, loving homes outside the borders of their country of birth, and equal numbers of families from all walks of life have been blessed with the joy of parenthood, thanks to that system. The notarial system also brought many claims of attorney and adoption agency incompetence, lies, and malfeasance, along with bureaucratic delays on the part of both US and Guatemalan government agencies.
Written By Lee Walzer
As a dad-by-adoption to my now-4 year old Guatemala-born son, I attended the Adoption Ethics Conference and Forum on Guatemala adoptions with great interest. I attended with the hope of hearing some detailed explanations from UNICEF about its stance on international adoption and perhaps hearing about how UNICEF hoped to avoid the mistakes of previous "reform" efforts in other countries, which have resulted in children languishing in institutions and without needed social support.
When Kevin called me yesterday to tell me that Ortega had been passed, I felt that I was punched in the gut. I could write an essay on the "wrongs" of the media, the "wrongs" of the adoption industry and the "wrongs" of implementation...but it would take me days and I have a little girl from Guatemala who needs me to get her to school.
So, I am going to just say a couple of things. While there are many issues that have complicated the whole issue...the most influential players have come down to:
A) Those who see a child in need and will do something about it....and
B) Those who see a child in need and point to them saying "Someone really ought to do something".
You can take a guess who I would put in the B category (starts with a U)
C) There are ways to reduce poverty....education.
D) There are ways to reduce corruption....prosecuting those who hurt the children
E) There are ways to reduce cultural bias....time to heal and effort to solve other social ills (and this applies everywhere in the world)
I don't believe the Ortega solves the problems of C, D or E. There is a lot of B....but very little A. So while the crimes against women and children became the marketing campaign for it, I don't believe it does much about the factors that influence why they occur.
There are VICTIMS of crime and then there are VICTIMS of badly implemented laws. If the constitutional challenges fail, I can only hope that the Guatemala will take a good long look and see if there is a way to make this law function without hurting the people it is supposed to help! The answer is A.
Once upon a time, Guatadopt.com was a pretty small site and the maintenance consisted of maybe an hour a week plus the time to enter a post on the latest happenings. Those first few years, the site was almost completely funded by my "day job". Eventually, I needed help funding the updates and the hosting....so, we gradually added some advertisements that would not be intrusive, we vamped up our Tshirts and calendars. We managed to cover the physical costs....and to date, our writer's time is all voluntary.
What has been difficult is that our physical costs keep growing and the time each of our writer's spend has grown exponentially. Readership is still growing significantly. Meanwhile, there are fewer readers starting the process (due to the impending Hague) and there is so much more competition for cute Guatemala shirts (unfortunately, some who have used our name, phrases and ideas as well)....so site sales have significantly declined. We're heading towards "red" again.
I'll back up and talk about why we have not become a charity (501c3)....That seems to be the most common suggestion by our readers. Well, two years ago when I became serious about turning it into one, I did a bit of research on the requirements and where we would fall under a charter. The uneasiness came from the percentage of contributions you needed to have vs. sales. Hey, I'm sensitive to my audience here....I was strapped during my adoption (well ok...that didn't really end when she came home). We wanted this site to remain free to anyone who needed it. But some of the other fears....I was strapped for time and Kevin was maxed out. We would have to hire an accountant (who specialized in 501c3) and I needed to make sure we had someone involved who could make sure we were in line....Most importantly, there was the issue of separating our contributions to Guatemalan charities and being more of an educational charity. I felt the line might be a bit fuzzy to outside critics. So, needless to say....this has not happened. Maybe, I am over-thinking it....I don't know.
In the last few days, I've had a number of inquiries about the 2008 Calendar. I honestly was not sure we would do one. The time it takes to build the calendar has grown exponentially too....it just takes time to design pages with so many photos (and when you make an effort to include every child submitted!). Its not the same when you only have to use a single photo per page. Sales were down last year too compared to the number of new entries. I have to admit...the first few years, it was a lot of fun. Now, I get the jitters even thinking about making all the deadlines!!
So, why not ask readers for some ideas (and please do this via email).
Here are a couple of mine.
1 - For artists who have Cafepress stores, we could have a design contest (Guatemala adoption related design). It could be a clever saying or a beautiful picture! The top three designs would be donated to OUR shop and we would include links to the designers store.
2 - A few more adoption related products directly sold on our site. We tried the Ebay affiliate (which is up on the site), but either it has not been working, or nobody uses it!
Well....what do you guys think????
We are currently having some technical problems with our site. I am working on it right now. But some of the scripts are not completing and showing empty pages. Hopefully, we'll have it resolved soon. While I am working on it, you may have some odd "test" messages.
Please hang in there....we have to do tests in order to find the problems :-)
I would guess that the number 1 "bad agency behaviour" is intimidation! Interestingly enough, the intimidation has been self-perpetuating....and by that, I mean parents often back down because of fear of losing a referral or the agency stalling their case. The more it works, the more a less than steller agency will attempt to use this technique to distract or shoot down parents with questions or concerns. Certainly, these agencies have tainted the industry. It seems rather difficult to keep them in check!!! But lets focus for now on the things that you can do.
My first bit of advice is to UNDERSTAND THE PROCESS. I could easily say that 40%+ of the complaints/questions that we receive stem from parents not understanding the process or misinterpreting the information they were given. If you need clarification, ask your agency for a written explanation FIRST. Keep all correspondence whether it is a question about the process or a question about your case (your emails, as well). It also helps to keep a log on when you received calls and what was said.
You need to know that most states have some sort of licensing policies for adoption agencies. You can contact the Department of Human Resources to get more information. But if you have a complaint to file:
1 - Contact the Attorney General's Office in the state of operation (where the agency is located and licensed)
2 - Contact the Better Business Bureau
3 - Document your experience fully (including those emails)
Many folks are fearful of reporting their agency DURING the process. But did you know that when you pick up your child, the Embassy will probably ask you about your experience with the agency??? Well, words are sometimes hard to express with your child sitting on your lap...so, PREPARE a written statement. Document the problems, include an email or contact information and give this to the Embassy on the pickup trip.
I can tell you that it is VERY difficult to get governments to take complaints seriously. But too often, families don't pursue filing a complaint. It is my hope that with the Hague being implementing in the US, that there will be a more accountable entity to report unethical behaviour (as opposed to redtape)...but as with most every other industry, the victims need to be dilligent in filing civil and criminal complaints.
If you are a long time reader, you probably know that our TIME is completely donated with no strings attached. We have fought to keep the information available FREE of charge to the general public. To date, the site "expenses" have been paid either out of our pockets or by sales generated by the site. However, the last few months we started racking up much larger expenses which we can not sustain in this same manner (cell phone, long distance Guatemala, shipping, postage, fax, hosting, software, bandwidth to name a few). IE: We need help.
Soooo....Any donations are GREATLY appreciated!!!! If you would like to donate via PAYPAL (chargecards accepted), click below.
We welcome personal checks (for now, make them payable to Kelly Caldwell until we have some new banking changes ironed out!). Those can be sent to:
Guatadopt
5665 Atlanta Hwy
Suite 103-218
Alpharetta, GA 30004
THANKS SO MUCH!!!
My first introduction to the term 'RAD' was well into our adoption planning. The subject was only two years old when she joined her adoptive family...but she would spend years in special treatment and RAD programs. I had assumed adoptive families wanted "babies" for selfish reasons. But now came the realization that a lack of attention, love or family could contribute to permanent damage to a child. The recent delays in the adoption process have not convinced me that there is more "oversight" necessarily...but the fact remains that the children are coming home a little older. Could the delays mean that attachment disorders are on the rise in Guatemala? That might be hard to determine. Afterall, the term RAD used to be a category for SEVERE attachment disorders somehow a line in the sand beyond attachment 'issues". In fact, every adopted child is somewhat traumatized by transitions and/or institutionalized care. Here is an article that explains this theory much better than I can....
A new refridgerator mother? - Mom, what's in the fridge?
3/10 - As one of our commenters mentioned, this is just a tip of the iceberg and comparing RAD to autism. Some of the articles I had prior to this are no longer valid links. However, here is what I wrote about attachment earlier and a few good links to start with...
Attachment Parenting...for me?
Radkids.org
Presentation on RAD
