I'm the first to say that it has been very challenging for me to be objective on this case - I am human. Because of that, this part is posted in my writer's corner rather than on the news/homepage.
We can all question the judgment of the family in having left Guatemala. But I will say that after spending many hours speaking to the family, I can not criticize them. I didn’t state all that happened or explain the thoughts, emotions or gut feelings of the family. But I’m wise enough to know that we shouldn’t judge until we walk a mile in someone’s moccasins.
In the three plus years I have been involved with Guatadopt I have been a resource for hundreds of families. No one contacts us when they are having a smooth adoption process, so this is hundreds of families who have lost faith, trust, and in many cases hope in their adoption process. While I do not keep formal statistics, I can honestly state without question that more of these cases involved Mary than any other adoption service provider. With these cases, I have noticed many patterns and consistencies. Lost referrals are not uncommon. Cases languishing without movement for months (and I mean over 6 months) occur. Families have been told inaccurate info on where their cases stood with regularity. Attorneys, foster moms, and buscadoras not being paid. Basically, I’m just echoing what some have posted in Guatadopt comments. Granted, while this is my personal experience it is all based on second hand facts. I can't always verify what people e-mail to me. But people over the course of a number of years have no reason to be dishonest with me. And when one hears the same stories consistently, there is either truth to it or an unlikely, pretty well developed conspiracy.
Mary undoubtedly has happy, satisfied clients. And she has undoubtedly been a major force in creating hundreds of families. I do not claim anyone posting that experience is being disingenuous. But what I’ll say is that the other side of the experience is also not being disingenuous and that based on my experience, that experience is more common in cases involving Mary than other adoption service providers.
I have received many private e-mails in defense of Mary since we broke this story. Some are very sincere testaments. Others, however, have shown what I will deem an ignorance and sad acceptance. As an example is someone justifying the fact that a child was starved in foster care as being normal and to-be-expected. Here is an except from one such e-mail:
Also, to suggest that a child's lack of health in foster care is the fault of the facilitator just shows your lack of knowledge about orphans in general and especially in Guatemala. Children cannot thrive there in temporary care! That is WHY they need to be adopted.
This is nothing short of disgusting and is an insult to all of the wonderful people providing care in Guatemala! My family remains very close to the people that cared for our kids. They are now part of our family. While there is no substitute for permanency, my children received/learned love, nutrition, trust, bonding and family before they came home to us. This kind of care is one thing that attracted us, and many other families, to Guatemala. When I described the statement above to one my kids’ former foster mom, she became enraged because there is no excuse for a child to ever not receive proper care and nutrition. I hate to bring money into this discussion, but the fact is that we adoptive families pay a lot of money to adopt and one reason why that should be money well spent is because the private foster care system can and generally does provide excellent care.
Is it the role of the agency/facilitator to ensure proper care? In my opinion, and in the opinion of the US Congress based on Hague legislation, yes it is. It is the role of the facilitator (or agency in the more traditional arrangement) to visit the child during the process. It is their role to make sure the child is going to the doctor regularly. That is the person who is supposed to be “watching out” for the adoptive parents and thus by default the child.
Think of this as a human being. If you are the only person seeing a child and you see a child is being starved -- an innocent, defenseless child being starved -- isn’t it your job or moral obligation to do something about it? Isn’t it your job to notice if there is a problem? I am not claiming facilitators should be doctors and able to make a medical diagnosis. But a child being starved? Yes, it’s their job to prevent that – especially when the parents are telling you they are concerned.
I could go on and on here but at five pages right now, I think it’s enough of a dissertation. I look forward to more of this story, the whole story, being able to be made public, but that may have to wait for the courts to do their work. For the time being, I am confident in placing my trust in what occurred to common sense, pragmatism, and the words of a couple who went through hell to find their child over what may be coming from the accused who based on my experience has a propensity not to accept blame and communicate things in a less than honest light.
The family in this case is amazingly calm and non-vengeful. In the midst of all of this they expressed concern to me for Mary’s other in-process families, the Guatemala adoption system in general, and especially for Mary’s children. They are religious, honest, law-abiding citizens who found themselves in the midst of something they never fathomed when they decided to grow their family though Guatemalan adoption. Based on the statements of the DOS, there seems to be no doubt that the investigation into Mary has moved beyond this one case. Based on the experiences of families I’ve spoken with that went through problem adoptions with Mary, it scares me what the DOS may uncover. Should Mary’s actions and fallout from them lead to a disruption in the ability of families to grow like mine, I hope that everyone realizes the blame lies in those that abused the system no matter what arguably delusional arguments led to it.
I once had an adoption service provider tell me “At its best there is no system as good as Guatemala’s. At it’s worst, there is none worse”. So now we have removed one of the worst from the equation, I pray that there is still the opportunity for other families, like mine to experience the best.
Couldn't have stated it better. Thanks Kevin.
Arvella
Posted by: Arvella at March 1, 2007 11:15 PMVery well put. It is amazing how one bad apple can scew the statistics. I hope that the policy makers are informed of these matters and keep it all in perspective. This is from a woman in the process of adopting.
Posted by: Cheryl Eichstaedt at March 2, 2007 03:26 AMNicely put. I will add in my agreeance that the children are definitely able and it seems many times do receive EXCELLENT care in Guatemala. My son is at 50% on the US charts which is fantastic for the typically smaller Guatlings. On my recent visit trip, I noticed that he was not the only "chunker" visiting with their adoptive parent/s. It saddens me ... angers me that her actions and this situation will probably affect those of us in process. It is unfair to adoptive parents and the ethical adoption professionals out there. It is my hope that those powers that be will look at the entire picture and see that some, hopefully many professionals go above and beyond their ethical and professional duties.
Posted by: Amy at March 2, 2007 07:08 AMI don't know what enrages me more the fact that this little girl was not removed by Mary to a better foster home, Mary's lies which caused so much pain to this family, or the implications this case has caused on so many current and future adoptions, as per DOS's statement. Sadly, even though it was a legal adoption, Mary's actions and inactions has touched us all. Thank you Kevin for your insight and providing all of us with accurate information. Marie
Posted by: marie at March 2, 2007 11:18 AMKevin - Very well said! I will forever be grateful to our daughter's foster family. They will always be a part of our extended family and in our prayers. There's not a higher calling in my opinion than to form the life of a child and ours did a wonderful job! We will forever be grateful!
Posted by: Julie at March 2, 2007 06:05 PMI can not believe that this has become such a slander session on Mary Bonn. Every single one of us is innocent until proven guilty so what is the point of carrying on and on about it until the facts have presented themselves.
We are not each other's judges. There are authorities in place for a reason and ultimately, she, we will all answer to God.
I think she deserves a little slack and perhaps some well wishes.
Posted by: Rachel at March 2, 2007 07:04 PMRachel,
Where was your outrage when Mary and her lawyer went on freaking TV telling a skewed description of events. Where was your anger when Mary gave them a picture of the child to be broadcast? Where was your anger when her attorney had them zoon in on the adoptive mom's name? Who has been accused of a crime here? Who was victimized? Who deserves the benefit of the doubt?
We are allowing folks to post both in support of and against Mary. The vehicles Mary has chosen don't allow that go between.
One last thing. People stating their experiences and opinions is not slander. Slander and libel require that someone communicate something that they know to be false and that they do it with malicious intent. Go back to Mary's TV appearance if you want to see something slanderous. Nothing here meets the definitiion.
Kevin
Guatadopt.com
Wow Kevin--how about your attack on Rachel?! After this post I am assuming I will be next in line for your attacks...I agree with Rachel and have stated numerous times that it is NOT our place to judge Mary. But obviously you feel it is OK to blast Mary's name and blame her for all the wrong doings in this case because you have spoken to the family. What makes you an authority on this? None of us have the upperhand here, this case doesn't involve YOU or ME or anyone posting on your site. And just because some of us defend Mary and her character does not make us her puppets. We are voicing our opinions just like you are.
You obviously feel the need to defend this family that left their child in Guatemala to seek medical advice from the US. I still don't understand that as I was faced with a similar situation. I too was without my husband when I traveled to get my child. I was faced with a child with a lot more "medical issues" than this one and I would have never dreamed of leaving her in a thrid world country while I made up my mind on whether or not I was going to parent her now that I was faced with medical issues. As I stated in the past, this makes me physically ill to know that anyone could leave their child once meeting them regardless of what their medical, emotional, physical needs may be. Adopting or giving birth offer no guarantees for a healthy child. Believe me, I am not passing judgement on this family but am utterly confused as to how this could have happened in the first place.
Kevin, I honestly do not understand why you continue to climb up on your soap box on this topic, especially when you are admitedly biased. At a time when Guatemala adoptions are in jeopardy, a constant, biased focus on this "personal" case harms public perception for all adoptions. I seriously question your anecdotal study on Mary Bonn's history. You are "controlling" the information being posted here despite your insistence that you are allowing posts in support of Mary. You are NOT allowing posts in support of Mary ON THIS CASE - you know this. You only allow the one side - the side you are privy to. I happen to have the other side but I can not share it and even if I did, you would not post it. Your rant is a disservice to the members here because of your bias. You have given yourself a throne on this topic and you are abusing your "power" in my opinion. Other respected sites have specifically banned participants from debating this topic altogether. Don't you have something else new to obsess about???
Posted by: Jane at March 2, 2007 11:14 PMI can't believe the number of people defending Ms. Bonn...astounding. Yes, she is presumed innocent until proven guilty - in a court of law. But this isn't a court of law now, is it?
The adoption community, as a whole, needs to advocate for legal and ethical adoption. I've heard both sides, and its pretty clear that Ms. Bonn broke US immigration law by smuggling the child into the US. Illegal AND unethical, under any circumstances. Period. End of story. The actions of the adoptive parents are irrelevant, even IF the child had been abandoned this was not the legal or ethical way to ensure the safety of the child.
BTW, just in case the adoptive parents are reading this....it sounds like you handled the situation better than I would have been capable of. I'm glad you have your daughter home.
Jane,
What is Mary's reasoning for the other four children in her home that have legal adoptive parents in the states?? Have you asked her how she categorized her children based on their "looks?" This wasn't an isolated incident, it was calculated and something she has done many times. Did you ask her about the famous late night flight in 2003 of a child that never cleared PGN?
bg
Posted by: bg at March 3, 2007 02:25 AMI can't get over what a "springer" show this has become on this site. I want to stop reading the posts, but it's a train wreck! What bothers me most is the praise of happy families for Mary. I had a very smooth adoption with one of the most respected agencies, who has always been upfront, honest, and transparent. I sing their praises all the time and refer them to anyone who asks. However, I can tell you if I were to ever find out they did anything even remotely like what Mary has been accused of, darn right I'd turn my back on them in an instant, even though they united me with my daughter, who I have undying love for.
While Mary is somewhere in the shade of grey between "good and evil", for lack of a better dicotomy, she's far enough down a slippery slope to warrant open eyes and honest reflection of what is right and wrong and what as an adoption community is considered tolerable. Anyone who can defend this is in my opinion not being honest with themselves. Just my worthless 2 cents...
My prayers go up to all those with troubled cases and also to those who had Mary as a facilitator who may have to forever wonder if there was corruption involved in their adoption.
Posted by: W at March 3, 2007 02:39 AMSpeaking of allowing public access to pictures of the child, she was posted for quite some time on your site for anyone to access, save, and use. You didn't seem to worry about keeping the child's face out of public then!
Posted by: AS at March 3, 2007 05:22 AMI think Kevin should write what he wants about this case, I think contrarey to what you believe he knows a lot more facts then you or I. There have been many people affected positive and negativly by Mary Bonn, us being one of the negatives. I too have heard so many horror stories that range from name calling, roughness, and hatred to babies on update videos to such extreame as what is going on right now.
Posted by: Magen at March 3, 2007 01:30 PMWe did post a picture of the child at the request of the child's legal parents in order to help try to find out where the child was. Based on the info the family had, it was clear that the child was not in fact with the biological family. And guess what - after posting the pic on the site things came together and now the child is home safe!
Also, the picture and thread were removed from the site hours after the child was found at Mary's house. We also made sure not to tell anyone it had been posted until the Google and Yahoo caches no longer had it. In fact, we never said the child's pic had been on the site, so how close are you to Mary to know that it was? Come one, who are you? Her attorney? Mary herself? One of her cohorts? Be honest here because you seem to know far more than just what a parent who had a positive experience would know. If by some chance you are one of Mary's older children, you have my deepest sympathies because it is truly a shame what is happening for your family. As I wrote, all indications are that Mary kept a fine, loving home!
You can not compare parents asking us to post the picture when they are searching for a child who is somewhere unknown with Mary and her legal team giving a picture of the child to a TV news station after the truth had come out!
Do you all really want to continue going back and forth with me on this? I have no agenda. Guatadopt has no history of going after adoption service providers.
There is a reason why you are all so fired up here and tat reason makes your defense of Mary an uphill battle. You can go create your own blog lke the hundreds of adoption blogs out there and you can post whatever you like there. But the fact is that sooooo many people read Guatadopt because they know we are informed, knowledgable, honest, and only out to let the adoption community know the truth. We are known for getting to the truth behind rumor and innuendo. Everytime you try to bash me or what we've posted, you only show why it is that people read this site.
There is more to the Mary investigation and someone who knows about it is posting comments on things that are true but we have not revealed. Mary defenders, and I mean this with all my heart, face reality. As this investigation develops you are only going to look foolish and have mud on your face. I am not happy about what is coming out, what the DOS is telling JCICS about the extent of this investigation, etc. I hate it because of how it makes all our adoptions work. I am attemting to show that MAry was not the norm, that she was rogue provider who thought she was above the law. And now she has been stopped. I don;t want her behavior to reflect on adoptions overall but your non-stop, illogical defense of her and attempts to demonize the parents in this case create the wrong impression.
I will keep going back and forth if you wish. I warn you that I once had a US rep tell me that he was glad he never had to debate me in a public forum. I can do it and any insults you throw at me don;t bother me. It's your call, but I really think you are making a poor decision.
Kevin
Guatadopt
Kevin
Guatadopt.com
Kevin,
Please keep up the good work. We adopted our son from Paraguay using Mary Bonn. I wish the internet had been around then since we had no way of researching her agency except through referrals from other families which, of course, were all glowing. We didn't find anything out until we reached Paraguay, and then from our lawyer, discovered we had been lied to on many different issues. I lived in a hotel with my son for 4 months fighting to get him through the system and Mary, who was also in Paraguay at the time did nothing to help us. She didn't even take our calls. She put all the blame on our lawyer, judge, you name it. I watched this happen to many other families she was working with there. Our adoption was ultimately successful, but that was no thanks to the Bonns. I understand the system in Guatemala is different, but apparently, her "system" is not - deceit to vulnerable people whose lives, hearts and homes are wrapped up in the hope of fulfilling their dream of a family. I truly believe if not for our tenacity and the hard work of our lawyer we would have waited much longer. Mary tells her clients what they want to hear, not the truth. When I heard of this case I was, sadly, not surprised. I could go on and on about what happened to us as we were caught in the closedown of Paraguay, as were many others. Another adoptive parent friend noticed how after Paraguay closed she moved on to Romania (now closed) then Guatemala...If you can't physically follow your case or speak to your lawyer, I advise getting an advocate in Guatemala to work on your behalf to find out the truth of your cases. Mary will not give you that herself. Don't bash this boards moderator--I only wish we'd had a forum 13 years ago.
I think that as an adoption community we should come together to support one another. Who else can understand the fears, challenges, uncertainties and joys those adopting internationally experience?? We have NO way of knowing how this adoptive family felt...we weren't there! We don't know what emotions they experienced and what decisions had to be made...we weren't there! They need support and encouragement. We, as fellow adoptive parents, should be providing that support! It's always easy to say what "I would have done" when it's happening to someone else. Obviously Mary did something illegal by smuggling a child into the country. Why would anyone, especially adoptive parents, try to stand up for her? We need to pray that things start to change and this corruption is put to an end. Thank you, Kevin, for keeping us informed!
Posted by: K. at March 3, 2007 04:26 PMAngie & Rachel -
One thing that should be stated here. Kevin *is* an authority on this case AND several others in which Mary Bonn is involved. Don't fool yourself into thinking that we don't get emails that we don't talk to victims on the phone and that we don't see the patterns.
Soapbox...darn right! When you see what we have seen, you tend to get a bit angry and frankly it is irresponsible NOT to vocalize opinions. Bias? That would imply that we had a reason to be biased. OK, we have a whole lot of parents with very disturbing stories to tell...
Some of these responses remind me of a series of events in friend's summer camp(5 year olds). A child was scratching/hitting other kids. The victims (9 children) received nasty scratches and bruises on arms, backs and legs (all of the children identifying a particular little boy as the scratcher)...The mom's response was to rant about how the camp leaders were 'biased' and apparently the children were being mean to her son. Admittedly, one occurrance would have me question what happened before the incident. But the PATTERN makes it a little ridiculous to dispute.
So it is with Mary Bonn....
Posted by: Kelly (guatadopt.com) at March 3, 2007 10:38 PMKevin, I don't see the value in what you're doing here with these posts. Is all the negative attention you have drawn here in the best interest of the future of Guatemalan adoptions? I seriously doubt it.
Mary has not been found guilty in the court of law. Let her have her day in court. Kevin, it really seems like you just want to be the judge and jury here and that's wrong since you control the information that is being shared. You're abusing your power. We all know how you feel about Mary - you are admittedly biased. Jane is right-get off your soap box and find something else to rant about. It seems with all that is going on right now with Guatemalan adoptions and our government, your time could be better spent.
Sara,
You're entitled to your opinion. But let me just point out what happened chronologically.
We knew Mary was arrested hours after it happened. We did not post it until it became fairly public knowledge among adoption service providers. At that point, we felt families deserved to know as well. There are many families in process with her cases, and I can say from experience back in 2004 when Blanca was banned that Mary and her agencies were less than forthcoming about that.
We did not post the details of the case either. Our post merely stated what Mary had been accused of. The discussion heated up when people started to defend her actions.
We still did not post details, until it became clear that Mary was on a PR mission. SHE started calling people getting them to post. I know that most of the pro-Mary e-mails are not from people who normally comment on Guatadopt. And then MARY decided to go before the media - even being interviewed on television! So while everyone criticized me for not allowing her side of the story, which was never accurate, in reality it was only her side of the story, a very skewed side, that was garnering attention. At that point in time, I felt no choice but to post the details of the case and my history helping people in bad adoptions with Mary.
IMHO, this continued discussion is not of my doing. It is of Mary's doing. And if folks want to continue with it, I will continue. If they don't, then it will go away as much as that is possible. We will continue to update people on what is happening with her invesitgation. Because the adoption community has a right to know. We didn't cause Mary to do what she did. We didn't cause her to go to the media. We didn't cause her to start calling out her forces.
Kevin
Guatadopt.com
Kevin
Keep up the good work. My husband and I attribute your insightfull and honest answers about some agencies we were considering with helping us in the end find an agency we are proud to of worked with. You warned me about a facilitor some of these agencies used and you were right.
Thank you
Cathie
If guadeadopt had not communicated the situation with Mary AND RAI, I do not think we would ever have known. RAI has never published anything for their clients to know what their intentions are for either their own situation with the MN AG audit or Mary's arrest. We haven't had any communication from Mary or her assistants providing any assurance of their intentions to carry on work in our case.
We certainly don't know what is going on with the investigation, but know that she will be unable to continue as facilitator. If either RAI or Mary had an ounce of integrity toward their clients, I would think a statement directly to the clients would be in order. Although it doesn't change our circumstances, it helps to know that we were not the only ones that have been deceived. Obviously, those that have spoken so favorably of Mary have not been the victims of any deceipt.
Perhaps it's difficult to understand if you've not received such treatment. We would have so much rather had the support and encouragement of someone that would be as pleased as we are for our family to be expanded through our adoption. It's been so hard to understand why anyone that worked with placing children through adoption wouldn't have an ounce of even normal compassion for our difficult circumstances. Mary will have her day in court, but that won't speak to her character that has been demonstrated repeatedly through some painful situations for families.
Those that seem so ready to come to Mary's defense haven't extended a helping hand to those of us with difficult circumstances ahead in our ongoing adoptions. Kevin and those affiliated with him have. I believe that their intentions and true compassion for the children of Guatemala are demonstrated through their actions.
I agree with Kevin. Perhaps these nameless posters can begin another blog for those that just don't believe those of us that have been subjected to *needless* harm in our processes. The process can be difficult enough without deception.
OK - so there's my own little rant. Thanks again Kevin, Kelly, et al.
worried mami with a long way to go yet to get our child home
Posted by: mamiypapi at March 4, 2007 03:07 AMFor the record, I wasn't called out to post on this site to defend Mary. I would like to put out how I happened to find myself posting on this site, chronologically of course.
I was asked if I had heard about the legal case by my agency, our agency is currently working on our second adoption. I googled it and this site came up first! Very impressive, and to think I had never heard of it. Your ads by google are very nice too! I trust your ethics committee ferrets out the undesirable ads. I digress.
I am not defending Mary, I believe she would hire lawyers for that. I am just writting to say I don't fit into this pattern you seemed to have discovered. Your website would lead me to believe I have won the lottery.
I and my wife started off on our adoption journey by talking to people not looking on the internet. Eventually, an assistant to Mary worked with our first adoption. Our interactions with her were always professional. We felt well informed and our case went smoothly. No adoption goes without hiccups, every adoption has hiccups. Our adoption was the extended dance version that was due to political back lash at foreign adoptions in Russia. Happily we landed in Guatemala. We hope to go back.
Since everyone seems to have an opinion I decided to get one of my own:
1) Would I have done what Mary allegedly did? No. Can I empathize? Yes.
2) Would I have done what the adoptive couple allegedly did? No. Can I empathize? Honestly it is harder for me to say yes on this. At this point I cannot say yes. I do want to understand and I don't have any desire to vilify the couple.
3) Could I do what Kevin is doing on his corner? No, I don't think it is serving any useful purpose. Does some of this stuff make me so upset that I want to rant myself? Yes.
Maybe you should take a break from saving the world and watch a movie about it with the kids....it would be time better spent.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116760/
Posted by: Adoptive Dad at March 4, 2007 05:40 AMAdoptive Dad,
With no sarcsam intended whatsoever, you gave me a good laugh with the imdb thing. Seriously, that was clever! I would have e-mailed you in compliment to keep it out of public but you didn't give us a legit e-mail.
Maybe I should sue the writer of "Kevin Saves the World" for royalties!
I never did say that evryone posting on Mary's behalf were put up to it. I've written numerous times that she was legitimate, happy clients. You are clearly one of them and I would never attempt to disparage your experience. But that does not change what others have experienced and I what I have helped them through.
I am not at liberty to post what the situtation is on her cases that are currently in process. What I'll say is that of the sample we are in contact with, some are in okay shape I believe. Others are in a horrible situation that is inexcusable.
In any case, while we may disagree on Mary, I like your writing style, tone, and sense of humor.
Kevin
Guatadopt.com
Kevin, It is clear to me that you are enjoying the "debate". Sure, any of us could go back and forth with you for days if we didn't have jobs and children to take care of. And ultimately, what is the point? It is like debating with a dictator that controls the media. You get to control the emails that you post. You get to spin this story exactly the way you see it.
The Mary "defenders" would not have ANY problem with you if you simply stuck to the available and public facts in this case (not the "Kevin Facts" or the private discussions that you've had with the APs). You, and you alone have created a "Springer Show" on this site. You have done this, whether you chose to accept that truth or not. The Mary defenders want her to have her day in court. We have no illusions that she will be completely vindicated, but what it will undoubtedly show is that she put a child's well-being above all else. You finally admitted that the mother left the baby in Guatemala. It took you a month to admit that publically. For more clarification, the child did NOT fail the U.S. Embassy exam. That is simply not true. People are asked to sign waivers regularly as a way to ensure that the adoptive parents are knowledgeable that their child has a developmental delay, etc. This child had NO major medical issues. The APs did not get home and decide to take this child after a week. It was MONTHS before the parents changed their minds about wanting this child. This will be revealed sooner or later as fact and if you want me to privately email you with the evidence, just let me know.
Mary saw a child who needed a mother that moment...in March - -not later that year. It is not an issue that you do not recommend Mary, and that you have sympathy for the adoptive parents and that you recommend some agencies over others, etc. etc. The problem is that you continue to demonize Mary and you confuse people who are not close enough to the case to really understand what happened. Then other Mary cases that did not go well are discussed (this is International Adoption after all - this is risky!!) Mary has been a facilitor, not a judge, an attorney, a court, a birth mother, or an agency - she is a small part of the process in a case and when a case has problems she is a SMALL part of the reason). Many, many times APs don't even know that a facilitator is on their case...a case goes bad and the agency/attorney is blamed. There are many, many other people acting as facilitators who have problem cases..they are just not identified to families. The facilitators are at risk of being lied to by attorneys, and cases can get stuck in investigations - none of which the facilitator can control. Agencies can put their own spin on things to protect themselves. Mary has been a facilitator for Guatemala adoptions for sooo long that of course, she is linked to cases that have problems.
There are hundreds of cases that have major problems each year that have NOTHING to do with Mary Bonn. People look for someone to blame. She has been in a 'high risk' profession and it makes me crazy that people think that because they desperately want a child and have spent money that they will get a perfect child with a clean case. What would happen if someone (who say, went through IVF) and ended up giving birth to a child with low birth weight who had a low APGAR, etc. and they left their child at the hospital because the baby was not what they expected? What would happen if they wanted time to think about it?
Kevin, you decided to reignite this discussion by posting your latest Radical Rant. It is just silly to say that Mary's defenders have had anything to do with it. We reluctantly take time away from our lives to try and balance YOUR presentation. You must not have children or a job if you spend this much time pontificating.
Please, give this case a rest. Fine - you don't like Mary, I understand that you have experiences with APs who have had cases go bad with her as facilitator. This case ultimately has NOTHING to do with her job as a facilitator. This family had their PINK slip - they were through the process and came to Guatemala for pick up. This case is about her PERSONAL decision to care for this child that was initially unacceptable to the APs. Perhaps when the family changed their mind and wanted this child, Mary was too emotionally bonded to rationally think through the outcome of trying to keep this child? No love is stronger than a mother's love. I believe that this is how she saw herself. She cared for this child in Guatemala for a month+ when the APs could have been. She grew to love this child and would do "anything" for her. That is obvious.
Jane
Jane,
What am I controlling? Are you not posting all of this stuff?
1.) I have two kids and a full time job. And I pride myself as being an excellent dad. I am taking TONS of my precious, limited time in order to help families. I've done that for years and I don't get paid for it. It is a struggle. Yesterday I was on the phone with a parent while my daughter was saying "daddy come play with me" and I had to explain to her that I was helping something. That is painful for me to do. You don't have to like me or agree with me. But don't anyone dare to criticize someone who takes time out of their life in an attempt t help people.
2.) The child did fail the embassy exam. The doctor did not approve the case and the embassy official told the mom to find out what the problem was. That is FACT!
3.)Anyone can question the family's decision to have left and seek a diagnosis. That does not mean that they had chnaged their mind about the adoption.
4.) It was not months, it was weeks. And it could have been much shorter had Mary, who apparently had the child with her, cooperated that timeframe could have been shorter.
5.) Mary lied to the family and said the child was with the bio-family. This was because the family wanted to bring their child home
6.) As I wrote, I have seen patterns with Mary's cases that I have not seen with ANY other adoption service providers. I know her reputation as do many others. As this invesitgation develops, I am saddened by my 100% certainty that all will see her way of doing business.
Kevin
Guatadopt.com
Kevin,
For the record, Mary DID NOT call me to ask me to post on her behalf. I chose to post because I can empathize with her and I respect her for her professionalism and diligence on my case. I also truly believe she did what she felt was in the best interest of the child at that time. You can argue with me all you want here, but as long as our versions of the story are different, the discussion is going to go nowhere.
I know there are other clients who do not share my feelings. I don't question them or judge them. They have a right to their opinion just like I do. What I do question is your vindictiveness. It's simply not fair to put Mary on "Guatadopt" trial before she gets a chance at a fair trial. If you are censoring the information that people send in, which you obviously and admittedly are, there's no way to make this discussion a fair one.
Clearly there are differences in opinion on this subject. All of that was shared the first time you broke the news of "Mary's arrest". I think the 160+ comments made were adequate for people to voice their feelings on the subject. But instead of letting things go, you stirred the pot again with your "There's Something About Mary" post. It was much less of an update on the case than a "kick Mary when she's down" move...Let it go Kevin. You're doing more harm than good to the Guatemalan adoption community stirring everyone up.
It must be very frustrating for the people who are working with Mary to have to deal with this hostility when they are bending over backwards to help their clients continue to make progress through all this. There are many hard-working people who work with Mary. I hope the clients who are so busy blaming Mary for all of the evils of the Guatemalan adoption system also take a moment to thank the people who continue to work for them. This is a hard time for everyone involved I'm sure.
Posted by: sara at March 4, 2007 03:35 PM
No, Kevin and I do not always enjoy "the debate" especially, when posters are just throwing out personal insults with no basis. We have full time jobs and we have family. At the moment, my sleep time is about 4 hours a night so that I can get my work done (which I work mostly from home as a programmer) SO that I can help families AND still spend some time with my little girl. Kevin is about on the same schedule these days.
I will be stepping in and just saying for the record: This site does not tolerate personal attacks on the writers. If you don't like what we write, you are welcome to go elsewhere. Regardless, of the multiple charges that Mary is facing, we have never questioned her family life/dedication. We expect readers to afford that same courtesy to us.
As for insinuating payment/high bidding for our Google position, let me just laugh out loud. Apparently, you don't know how Google works. The listing ads on the right column are paid ads. The ones listed in the main portion on the left are based on CONTENT! (I think there are sometimes ads that are clearly highlighted and those are usually bid on). We don't pay for ANY advertising because it is a volunteer site. As it stands, we barely make ends meet as the site requires a large bandwidth, maintenance and space.
Again, if it is going to degenerate into random potshots against the writers personally or the site, then we'll close the comments to everyone.
Posted by: Kelly (guatadopt.com) at March 4, 2007 06:38 PMIt is very clear that trying to argue here does not accomplish anything. This will be my last post on this matter and I hope and pray that everyone can let this situation go and let everyone involved have some peace. The legal process is much more important than anything that is discussed on this site.
I did want to respond that OF COURSE, I am not Mary, her attorney or her children! Honestly, they do have many more important things to focus on than battling Kevin. I don't think that any of them would give this site the time of the day right now. I will take their lead and ignore what goes on here from now on (not because I am afraid to take you on in debate, Kevin, but because I have better uses for my time!).
I am not at liberty to share all the evidence that clearly contradicts the "facts" that Kevin has posted here, so we will all just have to wait until the entire case is made public.
Well, I can see that you are not posting ALL comments on this thread either!! And, it was NOT in support of Mary and her caring ways. Are these supporters aware that Mary has had a "ring" going for some time now?? It is my guess the reason families aren't receiving much information from the agencies Mary worked for is because they are currently involved in explaining their own way out of jail!! Her closest allies knew exactly what Mary was up to - and did NOTHING!
And, how will they explain Mary doing business with Blanca Martinez once again?
Posted by: bg at March 4, 2007 07:10 PMI for one have to thank Kevin immensely for the help he's given our family through this long and painful process. We still don't have an end in sight. I know that Kevin is being very careful in what he's saying because he knows FAR more than he has been able to release and I would think that is why he feels the way he does about this whole situation with Mary. I don't know where those of us would be that have had major problems with our adoptions if it weren't for this site. The people working on this site are trustworthy and that is way more I can say for people we've been working with in our adoption.
Keep up the good work, Kevin.
Posted by: Arvella at March 4, 2007 07:13 PMKevin,
I just want to say a public thank you for posting on the Mary Bonn situation. This was the right and responsible thing to do. What Mary Bonn did has implications now for families (as evidenced by the DOS website). Just as I think it would be irresponsible for the principal of a school to wait until a teacher was convicted in a court of law of sexual assault before informing parents about what happened at the school, I think it would have been irresponsible for guatadopt not to let families know the facts surrounding this case. There is far too much at risk. Quite frankly, I think you should have posted this story sooner. However, given that it appears there is an ongoing criminal investigation, I can see why you did not. Once again, thank you.
Posted by: Kathy at March 4, 2007 07:28 PM I am sorry to read and *feel* all the negativism here. It is a sad day in the adoption community. I feel so sad - I have never witnessesed such anger and hostility in an adoption community support group. I will pray for all involved here, especially this little child who has been thru so much pain.
I wish we could all just let this go and let the courts do their job, and get back to the business of loving and supporting one another. I really pray for that.
Sincerely,
gloria
mom to 5 Guatemalan blessings
We have opted to close the comments on this post. After discussing it today, coincidentally getting the request from someone "on the other side", and reading Gloria's post, it seems like the best thing to do. This should not be interpreted as any change of view in what I've written, just that enough is enough already.
Much has been said and it has given a glimpse into the worst side of Guatemalan adoptions. Take that to mean what you will.
Loyalties run deep and I suppose that is a positive thing overall. But we all must be cautious not to let those keep us from our humanity.
Let's agree to hope and pray for all the children that have been impacted by this turn of events. Children are innocent and the most precious of god's creations. It is truly a shame when they become pawns in adult's games.
Peace,
Kevin
Guatadopt.com