When Kelly first asked me to start writing for Guatadopt, I was quite honored. I had been an addicted reader for some time and loved the opportunity to give something back to the institution of adoption that had created the family my wife and I had struggled to achieve for so long.
A few weeks ago I remarked to Kelly how amazing it was what her innocent adoption blog experiment had become. Guatadopt has become larger than she ever intended and has placed both of us in positions, and in the middle of controversies, neither of us ever fathomed.
It is not an easy role to serve as a Guatadopt principle. First of all, the pay really sucks. Well actually, it doesn’t exist. But really, it takes up a lot of personal time. For someone with a non-adoption career, I already have extreme pressures on my time. One can’t take on this role without feeling a personal debt to the families who are our readers. We hate to leave an e-mail unanswered, a fact unchecked, or an updated unposted. And the worst thing is when sometimes we skip over an e-mail and realize that someone in need of help, information or advice has gone without it.
One of the hardest experiences I had was on a Saturday shortly after Mary Bonn was arrested. I was busy talking to families impacted by it when my four year old daughter, my precious little angel, sadly said “Daddy come play with me”. And I really couldn’t because these families needed some support. I sat her down later that day and explained, as best I could, what was happening. So yes, some will hate this but she now knows of the accused as being “the Wicked Witch” and I have since a few times had to assure that I would always protect her from the wicked witch. Isabel is smart and once when I explained to her that I had helped a little girl from Guatemala like her get home to her mommy and daddy, she told me that it was very nice of me, smiled, and gave me a big hug. A “squeeze tight with both arms hug” as we call it.
When I took up Kelly’s offer, I never imagined I’d be involved in things of that nature. But life is funny that way. Just like the adoption process, you have take things as they happen and do the best you can.
Another of the challenges has been being the bearer of bad news. It is horrible to at times have to tell parents that their adoption is bogus and that they were scammed. For some time, I let it get to me. I lost sleep, couldn’t eat, and was almost on the verge of a breakdown. I realized that I had to separate myself from it and have since had to apologize to some people if I sound cold but that I need to have that defense mechanism to protect myself.
On the other side of the coin was that once I had the pleasure of telling a family they were out of PGN. I know their foster mom and got the news before their agency did. That really rocked!
In college I wrote a political opinion column in the heart of “Reagan Country” during the first Clinton campaign. Given that my politics differed from the norm, I got used to being criticized for my views in letters to the editor and became thick skinned about it. Besides, I love a good debate and never take offense at opposing views. That is what is that the heart of free speech and it has proven quite valuable in my tenure at Guatadopt.
There is one thing that never becomes comfortable and that is personal attacks. I’ve had a few over the years. The worst was when one reader, JK, implied that because of a view I held on the legalization of marijuana that I could not possibly be a good father. That hit below the belt. I really wish JK would have preferred to engage a discussion on the topic rather than make such a statement. I know I am an excellent father and role model for my kids. I’m far from perfect as we all are, but my kids are well adjusted, kind, sincere, loving, bright, and confident.
Today, two comments were posted on one of the entries in my writer’s corner – both by the same person. One called me a jerk, the other called me an asshole. Had the person said that about anyone but myself, I would not have approved the comments. But I’ve got thick skin so I went ahead and approved them. The person asked “who do I think I am?” My first thought was to reply “I am the walrus. Koo koo kachoo” but that would have been lost on anyone who’s not a Beatles fan. In all honesty, I’m just a guy who fell into this role, who made connections, and who has a devotion to honest, frank, and direct writing. Then the post goes on to imply that I am one of the people giving adoptions a bad name. Well, I think our readers know that is total b.s. I hate when I have “had” to post about the negative side of adoptions. But not posting about it only creates an air of ignorance that allows more families to be victimized by a few bad adoption service providers.
I’d like to call upon all the critics of me, Guatadopt, and anyone else to always remember that adults have critical thinking skills. Nothing is accomplished by name calling. If you take issue with something I’ve posted, don’t call me an asshole, state what your issue is. Open the debate and state your well thought out views.
I’ll end this little piece by praising Guatadopt a bit. We have successfully managed to impress and upset every constituent group in the adoption process – families, agencies, attorneys, and government representatives. That says to me that we are accurate and devoted to the truth. We’ll allow the chips to fall where they may in our mission to provide a resource with good information and analysis. And while we have at times upset all these groups, they still read the site and come back for more. Just as I am sure my latest critic will.
Peace!
Ah Kevin, you're so not an asshole! Koo koo cachoo. PS. The link works now for me.~Melissa
Posted by: Melissa at May 23, 2007 05:56 PMTo the critic....
It is better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Posted by: Tony at May 23, 2007 06:17 PMHello, Kevin. We are currently in PGN - our daughter turned 6 months yesterday. It has been a long road and this website has been a lifesaver!
I have been able to get answers to questions here that I couldn't get elsewhere!! I have orderd products to help support the site. I check in at least once a day or more.
I can't tell you how much my husband and I appreciate all your hard work and sacrifice to keep the site updated and full of useful info.
Please continue to keep up the good work.
Those of us who are Beatles fans salute you!!
Posted by: Marie at May 23, 2007 06:21 PMThanks for all your hard work. Finding your site has been so helpful and informative. It is always difficult to give your heart to anything and have people criticize it. At least you are all daring to try and help. I think few of us with families and jobs would even want to take on that role.
A little to young to be a Beatles fan, but definitely a Guatadopt fan!! Thanks again!
Posted by: Anna at May 23, 2007 07:29 PMNow, the "a-word" is best reserved for describing someone like Efrain Rios Montt, who, according to today's Prensa Libre, is boasting of the immunity that he's enjoyed for so many years. Many, many thanks for your good counsel, and to Kelly for having the foresight to "hire" you. ;)
Gregg
Posted by: Gregg at May 23, 2007 07:33 PMDidn't anyone ever teach "JK", If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. Personally, I totally appreciate the fact that you are VOLUNTEERING your time and energy with this website. I appreciate all the effort that goes into researching the data that you post. Everyone is human, except JK...apparently. There are so many families, like ours, that check this website on a daily basis to see what else is happening in the adoption world. We are just in the begining stages of our adoption of our daughter so we know this will be a fairly long road. Our adoption agency actually encouraged us to visit this site because of the great job you do of posting info. We want to say thank you so much and PLEASE...keep up the good work.
Posted by: Kristi at May 23, 2007 07:35 PMI guess that when you put yourself in the line you will always invite criticism. Here's to brave souls like you who are willing to stick their necks out and help others. Thanks so much!!
Posted by: Gina at May 23, 2007 07:44 PMKevin, Through our process as we sit in PGN, Guatadopt has become our life-line! We thank you and all the others behind the scenes who provide information that we do not get from our agencies. And also, thnaks for clarification and insight into the turmoil currently surrounding international adoption. Thank you - your efforts at Guatadopt are appreciated and valued.
Kevin,
I check this site regularly for updates and information. I appreciate the fact that Guatadopt stays on top of Guatemalan adoption news and gets information posted as soon as possible. It's very nice Kevin that you assume this responsiblity for no pay. Most people would not. If you're looking for a pat on the back, here you go. Pat-pat-pat...
In the past two years that I've been reading Guatadopt, I think you have made some valid points. For example, today you indicated that name calling is inappropriate. Nobody should post comments like JK did! I couldn't agree more. We're all adults here with critical thinking skills.....However, I can't help but wonder Kevin if referring to "the accused" as the "Wicked Witch" is any better than JK's comments, even in the context that you included it. I'm not sure it is. It's name calling, and we all know, "Nothing is accomplished by name calling."
Well, anyway, thanks again for the news aspect of this sight. Hope you get some time in with your daughter between your paid work and your non-paid Guatadopt work. I'd hate to think your daughter is sitting at home right now waiting for her over-worked, underpaid dad.
Posted by: anonymous at May 23, 2007 11:16 PMI read daily....never realized how much I would appreciate this website....but I do! I thank you for your information and want to tell you that while everyone may not agree with your "Wicked Witch" explanation....you took the time to sit and talk with your child and explain it to her! That is a parent! Taking the time to help a child understand something! Thanks again...some days your blogs give me the little boost I need!
Posted by: Biff at May 23, 2007 11:34 PMKevin,
For every person that is nasty, there are 100 who appreciate what you have done and are doing to support the community that we all call our own! Thank you for the help that you have given to me personally and to the community as a whole! Without people who selflessly give of their tme and resources, this site would not exist.
Karen
Posted by: Karen at May 24, 2007 12:33 AMKevin I to check this site everyday to see if anything has changed. We just signed POA and recieved our referral two wks ago. Even our agency director told us to check Guatadopt to keep up with what is going on and that this site is a good reference. Thank you and the rest of the staff for all you do.
Posted by: Nancy at May 24, 2007 01:05 AMMaybe the poster "just" meant you are a pain in the arse, which I know you take as a compliment! 8)
You mean my "check" is NOT in the mail??
tw
Posted by: Troy at May 24, 2007 01:06 AMKevin, although I have completed my adoption months ago I turn your site multiple times every single day to keep in touch with what is happening in Guatemala. I start and end each day reviewing the Guatadopt site. By reading these posts I receive so much support from people I have never met. Through our common experiences and a love for Guatemala and our wonderful children I find myself at home. I would be lost without Guatadopt. You all deserve not only a salary but our heartfelt thanks.
Posted by: Debbie at May 24, 2007 01:46 AMKevin,
I am simply amazed by the work that you and the rest of the guatadopt volunteers do. This site is the place that I turn to on a daily basis to get information about the most important thing in my life...the adoption of my beautiful son. You have earned my trust with your commitment to accuracy. Every time I have e-mailed a question is has been answered promptly and honestly.
In fact, when you were going to Vegas...I was sort of frightened!! I thought, what are we going to do without updates from Kevin. I was glad that Marie didn't go on vacation at the same time LOL!!! She did a great job of keeping us informed!
A huge thank you to you and to everyone else at guatadopt. You have been my lifeline throughout our adoption process.
Posted by: Jill at May 24, 2007 03:39 AM
Dear Kevin & Kelly
I am the proud mother of Gino. He is now 3.We brought him home at 10 months (Christmas eve 2004). I used this blog for sanity while I was going through the whole nightmare of 2 girl failed adoptions, the start of hague (also was with IAR) back in 2003. Our adoption time was almost 2 years. Believe me I needed this sight and I have talked with you both before. My point is that I don't write often but, I still am on this website everyday to see what is going on with Guat adoptions. As we all know, once you have experienced this, it is a part of you forever. It's something that people who have not adopted or not went through these emotional times could never undestand. You want to stay conected some how. WE all need this, so people who have nothing good to say just don't appreciate it and should not be even be acknowledged for there totally rude comments. I just wanted to let you both know that it is great to have this website I truly appreciate it as I still am checking it daily for going on two years.
Thanks Jamie
As my beautiful and most articulate guatemalan daughter would say "rock on dog"!
Long live the Beatles!
Hi Kevin,
I just had to give you a huge THANK YOU! I read your site every few days and am so thankful there is such a site I can turn to for answers. I can't understand how someone could not appreciate all the hard work you do - please know that I (and many, many others) do!
Kevin,
Please know how much I appreciate your sacred work as well as the others involved in this site!
You are my lifesaver during this long and emtional process! I could not imagine life without you! Rock on!
Bless you all!
Jena
Kevin, I want to add my voice to the appreciation of all that you and kelly do with the website. Your site is such a great place to get info on what's going on with adoption in Guatemala. And I really appreciate the links to recent articles (and the rough translations). I check yr site at least once a day to see if there is anything new.
A heartfelt thanks!
Teryl
Posted by: teryl at May 25, 2007 05:22 PMKevin-
All I can say is THANK YOU (and Kelly and Troy) from the BOTTOM OF MY HEART for all that you do for us and for the children!
~Sue
Kevin,
I want to express how much this site means to me. I have been so moved by the constant care that the staff takes to provide information to all of us.I especially appreciate that Guatadopt pauses before giving information so that the facts can be collected before it's shared. I feel proud to be a small part of such a large community.
There was one part of your post that made me feel a little sad. It actually reminded ME of a song I think the words are
My son turned 10 just the other day...he said thanks for the ball dad come on lets play can you teach me to throw ...I said not today..i've got a lot to do...he said thats ok...he turned away but his smile never dimmed and said I'm gonna be like him...ya know I'm gonna be like him.....
You come first Kevin and so does your little girl..your entire family...
Again thanks so so much for all your hard work...
God bless
Steven
Kevin,
You are anythng but an ***hole..... Without you giving us the updates good or bad we would not know what is going on in Guatemala..... Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but if they fault you for speaking your mind then they should not read Guateadopt.. I applaud you for all you do for us & our children we want home..... Thank you for all the time you take from your family to help others... how unselfish of you....
Bless you & your faimly & keep up the GREAT work...
I want to thank everyone at Guatadopt.com for doing the selfless work that you do. It is amazing how much energy you have to check all the info you do, post blogs, and personally help all the families you do. Not everyone could do this, esp with full-time jobs and your families needing you.
I found Guatadopt after we brought our daughter home, but I still find it reassuring to check the site regularly, and educate myself about the good and the realities of Guat adoptions. That way, when people spread rumors about Guat adoptions or ask if my daughter's adoption was legal, I can inform them of the latest and best info I have at my fingertips--Guatadopt.com !
How long does it "generally" take to receive authorization to take / pay for DNA?
Posted by: Biff at May 29, 2007 01:56 AMthanks does not even begin to express how i feel about having 'guatadopt' on my favourites list to check each day
you and kelly have kept me sane on many many occasions
imagine the amazing karma you guys have by now?!
MK
Posted by: mary-kate at May 29, 2007 10:03 AMKevin,
I have to add my thanks for all that you have done to keep us informed about Guatemalan adoptions. I burst out lauging at work when I read your Beatles line!!
I didn't read the post that you are talking about but it wouldn't be the first time that I heard someone say that talking about and posting about some of the problems within Guatemalan adoptions is what is giving it a bad name. Come on it's not me or Kevin at guatadopt that are harming Guatemalan adoptions it's the actions of the people we are talking about. Makes me so angry that people think if we ignore it, it will go away.
Sometimes you have a hard job and have to report the negatives but it needs to be done. You do have my respect.
Cathie
We were one of those unlucky ones that had to get told that our adoption was bogus and that we had gotten scammed. All though it did not sit well and I was in denial the hard truth allowed me to move on. It also gave me the opportunity to work with the most awesome honest straight forth Attorneys I have ever met. Quite differant from the long two years of suffering. Even though you did not give me the answers I wanted I do respect your honesty.
Posted by: Kim McGee at May 30, 2007 06:31 PMWondering if I am being taken advantage of???? Is the I-600 required by the Embassy to receive DNA approval?
Posted by: Biff at May 31, 2007 12:51 AMHi. My name is Lisa and I am a guatadopt addict. I hardly ever post, but read all the time (ok, too much of the time, but hey, who's counting?).
Many thanks to you and all of the other volunteers for your contributions to this site. They are valued and appreciated more than you will know. For every vocal critic, there are hundreds of folks like me, soaking up every post.
Just wish you had busted out with "I am the walrus." It would have made my day!
Posted by: Lisa G. at May 31, 2007 03:32 AMKeep the flame burning! Every blog gets the occasional "sock puppet".
We adopted our daughter almost 7 years ago (born 2/1/00, came home 9/1/00). Pretty much past the issues that new adoptive families are facing, but we still get approached in person & by phone ("friend of a friend said you adopted from Guatemala, would you talk to us?").
Anyway, we occasionally check this site to find out what is going on, and will refer future adoptive families to this site. The depth of resources is incredible!
Mark
Posted by: Mark & Wendy at May 31, 2007 10:18 PM