Though there is a lot of information about older child adoption, adopting parents often are caught off guard. It is quite easy to listen to others that have had successful older adoptions and assume that you will have the same luck. But there is no sure-fire way to guarantee the issue-free child!
So, while I have been doing my research....I found that there are a few ways to minimize or better prepare yourself for issues:
* Find a Reputable agency - CHECK THEM OUT!!! An agency that holds your hand throughout the ENTIRE process is worth their weight in gold. Cutting corners here can leave you on your own when complications arrive!
* Who are the lawyers that they deal with? - In several countries I have found that there are lawyers that have suspended licenses still performing adoptions. The unlucky parents find themselves caught in the middle of INS complications and they have no place to turn except their lawyer. Decent agencies sometimes deal with not so great attorneys ESPECIALLY if they do not have an established program in THAT country.
* Orphanage - before accepting ANY referral, find out about the conditions in the orphanage, the circumstances of the child that lead to the adoption and the reputation. If you opt to adopt a child from an orphanage that may have had some issues, you NEED to be prepared for emotional issues with the child. Can YOU provide these children with the attention that they need to heal?!?
One COMMON MISCONCEPTION is that toddlers do not have Attachment issues or attach very easily. That is NOT necessarily the case. Toddlers can have serious attachment issues especially if the amount of nurturing or expectations throughout infancy were not adequately met. Knowing the warning signs is half the battle to choosing a course of action.
Here are some recommendations from friends that have adopted toddlers:
Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools...D.Gray
Holding Time: How to Eliminate Conflict,...M.Welch
Building the Bonds of Attachment...D.Hughes
The Greatest Gift...B.Buckley {Guatemalan adoption}
Whining...A.Ricker & C.Crowder