I just had a little reminder about how families are struggling with the day to day news in Guatemala. The stress is terribly high and we still seem to be sitting with a list of questions on our plate.
*** PLEASE keep in mind that our lawyers are presented with different information from day to day. Then to add to the confusion, DOS has its OWN version. You can imagine how frustrated your agency feels. What CAN they tell you??? Many of you assume that I know much more than I do....but I simply TRY and post official annoucements along with messages from those on the front lines. Believe me, there is a lot more that I scratch my head over. We are all fighting for answers and YOU are not alone in your confusion nor distress.
Based on historical knowledge and constitutional law our lawyers are vying for our best interests and our childrens' best interest.
International adoption is VERY difficult. Guatemala has been a diamond in the ruff for soooo long that we are devastated when changes threaten the adoptions. But to use the diamond analogy....diamonds are created from extreme pressure.....don't let exhaustion rule your actions and DON'T let others decide what is best for you.
Some suggestions for survival:
1 - limit your surf time. Give yourself certain times that you *allow* yourself to get on the boards. I even advise this for blowing off steam on message boards.
2 - Get a punch bag and swing away at it.
3 - Get a foot massage, a neck massage, whatever. Justify it: You are building up toxins due to the amount of stress.....believe me, neglect can have you walking around like a 2x4.
4 - If you have a neighborhood pool or your own pool. LAPS!!!!! Decide to do more than you think you can and DO THEM. The physical exhaustion is wonderful! You also get a mental pep that you have accomplished something.
5 - Allow yourself some good cries. Don't keep punishing yourself for feeling depressed. Instead, think of crying sessions as relieving those toxins!
Keep the faith. Most adoptive parents (and especially those that have had failed adoptions) feel that events led them to THEIR child. It is not a superficial comfort, but sometimes it helps you get through the moment!
Thinking of you all!!!!!! And as always, forgive me for my poor grammar!
Kelly
Posted by Kelly at July 15, 2003 06:32 PMSpeaking of diamonds..You are a diamond in my days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your efforts and words of wisdom. You really are a gem and I am forever grateful for your efforts.
Posted by: Angel at July 15, 2003 08:41 PMI just read the new DOS statement, which is disappointing, but certainly no surprise. When you say they have their OWN version, what EXACTLY do you mean. Because at this point I really don't know who to believe. --R.S.
Posted by: rosa s. at July 16, 2003 07:47 AMThis website is not compatible with a linux operating system and using the Netscape browser. The only way I can get to this page is via a Windows OS and using the Internet Explorer. It is possible and most common for a website to be compatible with both operating systems. Can the webmaster look into this problem? Thanks so much. The site is very helpfu; and most of the time I cant get to the information.
Posted by: Sue at July 16, 2003 11:01 AMSue,
I have no problem with the site using linux with Konqueror, the KDE browser. (Konqueror 3.1.2, using KDE 3.1.2.) The older versions had some problems.
And yes, the Netscape 4.8 with linux has problems...
Posted by: Donald Kerns at July 16, 2003 11:19 AMThank you Kelly for your website. You are so right about the pain and the frustration everyday is one more day that the unkown is not answered!!My little girl Alexa is going to celebrate her first birthday not with her mom and dad were she should be but in and orphanage!! As I sit here and write this tears are rolling down my face and the pain is unbearable!!! I try every day when I get up to make sense of all this and every day it seems like it gets worse and worse. It really is hard to keep functioning with this unknown over all our heads. But your suggestions on what to do to try to keep busy are very helpful!!!
Posted by: Kathi at July 16, 2003 12:24 PMCan anyone tell me if the PGN is open? I heard they are closed till August 13th.
Posted by: Liz at July 16, 2003 12:29 PM Thanks Kelly for your insight and helpful suggestions. These are stressful times for all of us especially those like me who have a "transitional" case and can do nothing but wait and pray. I have a tendancy to handle stress with busyness, overeating, and overspending. None of which is helpful. I would add to your suggestions that spending time in prayer and/or meditation. This helps to clear your mind and soul, replacing those stressful thoughts with peace and a fresh perspective.
Kathy
I need advice on how to handle an independant facilitator who has been rather illusive, and now is requesting that we start to pay the foster family for adoptive child $450 a month to cover expenses. Our case has been approved by the Consular section after DNA testing etc. 2 months ago and it is still not filed with the pgn...her last comment one month ago was that the children needed another interview with the social worker. Is there any way to get around her and our lawyer who she has refused to let us talk with?
Posted by: jean Amidon at July 24, 2003 01:57 AMHey Jean, Didn't you bother to read the quote on top of this website?
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
What the h@ll's the matter with you anyway? Isn't your child worth much more than $450 dollars?
What's so wrong about paying $450 a month to have someone take care of YOUR child? How cheap & selfish can you be? We pay a little over $500 a month to our facilitator here in New York for our daughter's foster care and it sometimes doesn't cover some supplies. Now with everyone's adoption on the line we need someone like you to come here and gripe about the little things when there are much graver issues at stake, such as the fate of our children!
Most of us parents come here for support especially through these though times, not to join in with some pathetic mother like you attempting to recruit others to help you in your quest of resorting to sneeky underhanded tactics, on how to get over anyones head in order to bite the hand that feeds YOUR child! How dishonest! How low and illusive!
We don't blame our agency for what's happening. Most parents don't. We give the agency as much support as we can. And most parents do, and so should you. Afterall,the facilitators are fighting for our children! And you want to go around bashing the ones who stick up for you and your child?
Get a grip and support your child like the rest of us! That is what parents do. Or else you're not worthy of the title Parent. That's this NewYorker's two cents in. -DK.
Posted by: David King at July 24, 2003 11:14 PMHi David, You are very passionate about values I see, and I couldn't agree with you more.
I can't believe how dishonest that lady Jean is (who is she anyway??). I couldn't help chuckle when you stated how 'illusive' she is. I mean, here she is telling everyone how illusive her facilitator is just because her facilitator asked for help and she makes a fool of herself asking people how to do sneaky things behind her facilitator's back, making her the illusive one. Some people.
By the way, I pay about the same amount for our child's foster care per month to my facilitator here in Florida. I hope things turn out fine for everyone and we all get our children, even if it takes a little longer. Besides, the money is not the important thing right now. The most important thing is getting them home safe and sound, especially with the civil unrest and rioting that's happening in Guatemala right now, not to mention the Hague.
Sharon
Sharon,I know, and she's worried about the money.
Not exactly what was meant by 'values' here.
You know folks, there's another side to Jean's concerns, and flaming her won't make it go away. Let me give you an example. You have some work done on your house, and halfway through the job, the contractor says, "I'm going to need another $500 to finish". You fork over the money, and next month, gee, he does the same thing.
How long will you keep paying this extortion money?
There's a difference between choosing someone to take care of your child, and feeling so powerless, as Jean is, by being forced to pay more money to take care of her child in another country.
The lawyers in Guatemala are making huge amounts of money on this process...let them pay for the continued care/feeding of the baby!
Flame away.
Posted by: Eva at August 1, 2003 11:47 PM