Kelly,

Thank you for posting this! Even when there is no news, it makes you feel like you and your child are not forgotten when you get an update from your agency.

Also, thank you for your words on perspective. While waiting can make anyone feel desperate and stressed, we can't forget that impatience and rudeness is no example to set for our children. We shouldn't let it become a part of their adoption story. We need to open our eyes wider and see how everyone in the process, here and in Guatemala, is being affected by these slow downs and try to fill our time practicing compassion and being positively proactive rather than just complaining or blaming others.

Yes, yes, yes - agencies need to be communicating with clients caught up in the PGN / DNA crises on a regular basis. Its important to keep some perspective and remember that you are not "purchasing" a child, of course. But, agencies need to remember that clients are indeed "purchasing" agency services, and paying a hefty price for them.
How hard is it to put together an email distribution list and send out daily or weekly updates on the most current information they have, such as how many PGN outs/previos, the number of clients in PGN currently, what they know about the situation, and what they are trying to do about it. This is the perfect time for a good agency to prove itself and keep clients informed!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Had this been a standard practice during my adoption experience, there would have been a major decrease of stress and anxiety.

Maybe if agencies stayed in contact with us, instead of us feeling like we have to blackmail someone to hear updates, then adoptive parents would be more patient and understanding. i hope agencies take this to heart and step it up a notch (I get better customer service at Nordstroms), because I can honestly say I would be happier with my agency if all I got once a week was an email or phone message just stating that they know waiting is difficult and to hang in there. Heck, I'll even take an whole agency email message addressed to all families stating this. I think if we felt a little more compassion we would keep a little more perspective.

Hi, I fully agree with your comments. At the same time I feel I should say that I have had a positive experience with my agency and facilitator. In the beginning my facilitator was so caring and understanding, I felt like she was my best friend! After I received my referral I started to feel as if our "relationship" had changed. I felt as if she had pulled back and was no longer tolerant of my feelings and concerns. Her messages became brief and to the point. She no longer seemed to be my biggest supporter. The thing is, it is a lot to expect from someone you have a business relationship with. That is what it is. At the same time, I was worried and upset with the delays that took place with the lawyers, DNA, family court and updates. However, now that I look at it, all I was worried about was my case. My agency had to worry about many cases simultaneously. This one woman had over 9 couples calling and emailing her daily. She in turn had to call and email more than one attorney. I know what it is like when a friend of mine is having a crisis and they come to me for help. I absorb their stress. I can't imagine what she had to absorb. With all of the stress and emotions coming at her I imagine in order to keep her sanity and to continue to oversee our cases in a professional manner she probably had to pull back and try not to get to involved with us.

I am still worried, I have been in PGN since April 17th and just found out last week I was kicked out because my name was not shown as the adopting parent on the pre-approval form from the Embassy. Apparently, my agency, my lawyer and the Embassy were unaware of this "new" requirement.

After waiting 7 weeks I figured I was in the clear as far as kick-outs go but then I was copied in on an email between my agency and the Embassy requesting the correction. I was upset with my agency for letting me find out in such an impersonal way. Needless to say I was more upset over the kick-out and was mentally not prepared for it. I kept crying every few minutes and ended up staying home from work because I was having such a hard time dealing with it. I sent an email to my agency and told them that as least I now knew that someone had at least looked at my file. I also told her how upset I was.

Well, the next morning she called me and said how sorry she was about the kick-out and wanted to know how I was doing. She was positive and wanted me to keep the faith. She said she was on top of it and that the document would be corrected as soon as possible. Without her phone call it would have taken me a few extra days to recover. Needless to say, one week later, I received an email advising that my document is going to be corrected tomorrow and immediately turned back in to PGN this week.

She has done an excellent job and while there were times I wished that I had heard from her I can see that she was doing her absolute best. You are only as good as the people that you work with. She was there when I needed her most.

I am sure others feel the same way about their agencies and there are others who were not as lucky as us.

Now, ask me about PGN, I have a whole different take on that!!!!

Michele

I have repeatedly e-mailed the Guatemalan caseworker that I am dealing with at this time. I have mentioned several times that there should be a support group for families dealing with the delays. The best response I got was when I offered to go onto the agency listserv and look for support. I was told it would be a wonderful idea. I went onto the listserv and got a lukewarm response from other families. I think those reading the posts are new to their adoptions and in a "Honeymoon phase" having just accepted their referrals and believing their children would be home in 4-6 months. I have connected with other families over issues that crop up bringing an older toddler home-mainly stranger anxiety. 90% of any updated pictures I now receive are of a crying child. Here's hoping the US Embassy will soon be full of crying toddlers! Where are all the social workers that are there for Post Placement visits? Why can't we get support from this portion of our agencies?

I completley understand how everyone feels while you wait for your child. We brought our son home on 12/22/05 at six months. He is an absolute joy! I'd like to pass on some words that my husband said to me when I was feeling at my lowest while waiting. He said " The amount of time we are away from him right now is small compared to all the years we will be with him." This kept me positive and I can tell you that when you do bring your child home all these past feelings you had while waiting completley disappear. The wait, no matter how long is truly worth it! Best to all of you! You are in my prayers!

Michele,
It is very nice of you to print your kind words. But just be aware 6 months is the normal wait Alot of other people have been waiting alot longer. So you should be thankful imagine having to wait 2 years?