I couldn't think of a better title than this...as we have a list of things to mention:
1 - PGN was closed today, so there were no birth mother interviews.
2 - We've talked to quite a few of our contacts and so far, these so called birthmother "offers" are not panning out as the normal interview process. We've located the source of the rumor and it is a single attorney with two cases. I'm not very confident that it is reality. While a few agencies mentioned it to their clients (it was traced back to an identical email). So, the question is whether all the hysteria is justified. We can't answer that for you. But I can say honestly that its hard to be objective when you have a child waiting.
3 - Forum: I have a couple of hours of maintenance to do tonight before I can bring it back up. But I think we need to reiterate a few things about Guatadopt and the forums:
Understanding Guatadopt and the Guatadopt Forums
The Guatadopt site is run by ADOPTIVE PARENTS. Kevin and I have very demanding FULL TIME jobs unrelated to adoption. We get a lot of requests beginning with "Could you just...." Unfortunately, the Guatadopt site is not a matter of pushing a button and viola, everything you need pops up. 90% of what we have to do is behind the scenes...lots of emails, phone calls, research and site maintenance. It takes a LOT of man hours for something we don't get paid for. Sadly, we've even had parents contact us because their agencies were unavailable afterhours. But we have families of our own and we cannot keep up this marathon. This last weekend, I had a packed schedule. Meanwhile, rumors were flying...and being propagated to other forums where it was interpreted as being an announcement on our main site. It became clear that the forum and the front page were contradictions in mission. While it was always our primary mission to have ACCURATE information posted on the main page, we also felt that forums should not be too restrictive....But over the last few months, the forum has turned into a swap meet for unvalidated "announcements".
Here's the problem: A large percentage of the rumors we hear are simply not true...really, that is why the site exists. Some info is simply misinterpreted, some of the information is secondhand (an attorney heard it from another attorney) etc.... So, its like to old game about whispering a story in someone's ear and seeing how much it changes before it gets to the person at the end. For us, it makes it EXTREMELY difficult to weed out valid information. Generally, we check with multiple sources and we avoid posting until we get a better idea of the "real" story. So, while we had many of our sources saying....Nope, not here...Nope, didn't happen with my cases....nope, not me. We had the forum in mass hysteria and a load of emails for the "inside scoop" on what we could only find isolated secondhand reports. I saw this huge TO DO list (which included maintenance and addressing the issue) but our team was burned out. So, instead of spending my normal 2 hours on maintenance....I walked away and said: it can wait until Monday. Not only can it wait, but for me to keep the forums it will HAVE to wait.
Going forward, we are going to enforce some self-preservation techniques. Please remember, that we DO feel obligated to keep our readers well informed with the MOST ACCURATE information. But the forums mean a LOT of extra work. Somehow, we have to take some steps to balance some of the site contradictions and every once in a while, we have to reduce the impact to our staff.
Our forum moderators will be posting some updated rules and guidelines. But I have a few guideline requests now:
1 - Before posting an "announcement" that may cause a lot of distress on the forum, PLEASE email us. We would prefer to get validated information on the main site before parents get hysterical about rumors.
2 - If it is not on the main site, then we have NOT verified it. Please do not assume that we are in agreement if we don't respond.
3 - Remember that your Guatadopt team folks are human (no crystal ball and we actually try to sleep at night). We are not in process, but that doesn't mean that we are immune to the non-stop stress.
4 - If any part of the site goes down, we know about it. We are not sitting around trying to freak parents out or withholding valuable information to torment parents (we've been there and that is why the site exists...we UNDERSTAND). Whether it is maintenance, our hosting service or sanity....we will address the situation when we can. IE: It may take some time (because of demands of our JOBS or demands of our families).
Please try to reduce your stress as well . That means get off the forums, go jog, play tennis, play WII, throw darts but give yourself a sanity break. I am very worried about the effects of all this upheaval. It became very apparent that some parents also needed a mandated downtime on the forum.
How to end....well, lets just say:
Abrazos!
Kelly
Posted by Kelly at May 19, 2008 07:13 PMKelly,
Thank you for all you and the Guatadopt team do. I missed the forums, but you're right - the break was good for this PAP.
Jennifer
Posted by: Jennifer2007 at May 19, 2008 08:01 PMHaven't posted to your site previously, but I now feel the need to convey thanks for all that you do. Your thoughts, above, are 100% on the mark. I will continue to rely on your site -- as a complement to what we learn from our agency -- as my trusted source of information and [your!] commentary as we wait to bring home our little girl from Guatemala. Please, do keep up the good work and, Kevin, keep on ranting.
Posted by: Stranger at May 19, 2008 08:10 PMTHANK YOU KELLY AND KEVIN AND ALL THE GUATADOPT TEAM GUYS.
VINCE
Posted by: vince at May 19, 2008 08:19 PMOh, Kelly and Kevin. You do so much for us. You deserve a break, if for no other reason than to be better equipped to support us all! This forum, and a couple others, are my only way to parent my baby right now. I read, think, repond, reflect, take action, plan, write emails, and OBSESS through this site because there is no other way for me to parent my baby in Guatmela. Thank you for understanding and for so much more. That you haven't forgotten the road we're on is a gift to us all.
Posted by: Jessie at May 19, 2008 08:30 PMYeah ok. Sure they're not trying to delay cases. My son's bmom was interviewed a week ago and his file is sitting at the PGN pick-up window, but it "can't" be released. But they insist that no, there are no undue delays... Uh-huh...
Posted by: A Waiting Mom at May 19, 2008 09:33 PMHow do I access your forum. I can read main site but can't get on forum
have tried to join it before it didn't work
Thank you Guatadopt team....we need you and we appreciate you!!!
I donated to the website tonight and I encourage all other posters/users of the Forums to do it also. Every little bit helps...
Posted by: Susy at May 20, 2008 12:29 AMI just wanted to say thank you for posting. Thank you both for sacrificing so much of your lives to people you do not know, nor are you in process with at this time. You both are incredible in my eyes, and I can not thank you enough for helping our family sort out and understand what is going on in this unpredictable process. I can understand what you guys are going through. May God Bless you for all you have done for us PAP's.
Posted by: Angie at May 20, 2008 12:30 AMHope you had a refreshing weekend. It was a good mental health break for me, too, in retrospect!
Thank you all for your hard work.
Posted by: LeAnn at May 20, 2008 07:22 AMI wanted to tell you thank you for all your hard work. It means so much to all of us. I get my information from you guys because my adoption agency does not keep us well informed. Any updates from them are simply Joint Council publicly released statements. Thank you for all that you do!!!
Posted by: Lisa at May 20, 2008 08:03 AMKathy,
I'm not sure if you were referring to my comment, but NO cases are being released from PGN right now. You're right that there are cases getting pink, but those cases were released from PGN before this mess started. We were THISCLOSE to being one of those cases, so you can imagine my frustration.
Posted by: A Waiting Mom at May 20, 2008 09:23 AMI have to say, Kelly, that I am SO glad you gave this reality check. I was beginning to worry about YOU guys!
I know that when I was waiting in 2003, I spend most of every night emailing with other waiting parents. We didn't have the plethora of information and sites we have now, so it was lots of emailing back and forth. I remember how that was my only coping mechanism.
Now I am a moderator of several Yahoo groups and I know how easy it is to get consumed by the maintenance of those groups and that is not even dealing with the site set up, maintenance and behind the scenes issues.
Recently, I started looking at the times articles were posted and when I saw one from Kevin at 10 pm I wondered if he had any family time that evening.
My life is intense and I am torn in 100 different directions. I know how hard it is to keep the balance. Worrying about our waiting families can sometimes be bigger than our own flesh-and-blood families vying for our attention.
I'm SO glad to hear that you are trying to keep that balance and I hope that all the waiting parents understand that you do have a REAL life outside of this site.
It is almost like we become virtual people who only exist for online service . . . sometimes I wish that were so , but sadly it isn't.
Peace,
Posted by: Sheryl at May 20, 2008 09:46 AMThank you for everything you have done for children and their families. Thank you for the unselfish hours and thoughts and concern and hard work you did out of the kindness of your heart because you are decent caring people. This site has benefited so many people and ultimately the children which is what its all about right? Most of us know, I think, that you do not have a crystal ball and that you are doing this as a kindness and have your own families and jobs. If you need to take the site down for awhile to catch your own breath I have nothing but understanding and a big thank you to you for what you have put in. I believe most of us understand. For those families caught in the middle or with tough cases.. well, I remember times when I was completely distraught and desperate for information. I hate to think of families there but can understand the emotional drivers behind some statements plus understand need to vent. I think even those families, or most, know that not all rumors are accurate and that you are not the know all and see all authorities on everything. You are human and doing what you can to help people but are not the authorities. A break is good for everyone. The site is a gift not a given.
Posted by: lisa2 at May 20, 2008 11:36 AMKelly, Kevin and the Guatadopt Team:
All I know is that I wouldn't know what to do without this site. I applaud your hard work and the accurate information you give us.
I know you understand and care or you wouldn't be here. I love you guys!!!
Gracias!!!
Posted by: Kim P at May 20, 2008 11:53 AMThank you for all you do. You go above and beyond and I for one would be lost without Guatadopt. YOU make a difference for the children of Guatemala and for us PAP's. One thousand thank you's.
Posted by: debbie at May 20, 2008 02:00 PMI believe PGN is closed again today-Tuesday? Has anyone heard if the lawyers filed the amparo on Monday and what was the outcome of that???? I also read on the JCICS website that they were planning to make a trip to Guatemala this week. Has anyone heard if this is in the works? It just seems like the only way to get things moving in our favor is to have someone challenge PGN. Although from what I am reading from agencies, lawyers, etc. they fear this will do more harm. But when you hear that agencies and lawyers are starting to suffer from a financial standpoint you would think this would be a wake up call to start doing something....I am just frustrated and hoping for some better news this week...
Karen
Posted by: Karen at May 20, 2008 02:06 PMOH AMEN!!!! So happy to see the new guidelines. There is nothing worse than "speculation". This is long over due and you absolutely deserve the break and the "clean up". Well done. God Bless!
Posted by: susie at May 20, 2008 02:13 PMHi all,
Another labour-saving device: to cut down on repeat postings, even if the website says "INTERNAL SERVER ERROR" (and it does NOT say "Your posting has been received") after you pressed "Post", don't believe it. Your message has still gone to the moderators so there's no need to keep trying. I speak from experience...
Thanks, Kelly and Kevin and the team! And good luck to us all!
Posted by: Eva at May 20, 2008 03:01 PMThere is a new posting on ADAGUATEMALA.ORG
Vince
Posted by: vince at May 20, 2008 05:46 PMKaren - PGN wasn't closed today. I spoke to someone (I don't know why I even call, my cases haven't moved in months).
Posted by: waitingfor2 at May 20, 2008 11:10 PMHas anyone heard that 15 cases have been stopped by pgn- there was an article in Miami Herald about this I saw posted on another forrm
Kevin - have you heard this? I have not seen anyone post anything on this at all - what is going on????? why were they annulled on what basis?
thank you
Posted by: Karen at May 21, 2008 07:04 PM